#but no shot of only howie

[run-down-that-dream]

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers | SNL (1983)

[alchemistc]

Found this in my drafts and decided to finish it up, written before the Abby reveal so we're just pretending that never happened, have some outsider pov of the alt timeline where Tommy and Buck met before Buck was at the 118.

Tommy is being weird. That's the only way Hen can describe it. He's been quiet on calls, none of the usual banter and posturing she's used to; he's been quiet in the station, prone to staring at the space between his lap and the dinner table even as Chim spouts off some ironic quote that would have had him cheesing it up a few weeks previous; he's been quiet as he packs his shit and heads out for his truck. Each afternoon since he'd quietly announced his transfer to the 217, he's been quiet, and it's weird.

Hen's not entirely surprised. Tommy's nothing if not protective of his own feelings - years and years of Gerrard all hanging over their heads even though he'd admitted a few drinks deep one night that he was pretty positive his professionally scathing complaint about Gerrard was very likely what tipped the scales ("Could have been Sal's, though," he'd said with a shrug as his eyes drifted to the head on his beer.). From what she's gleaned off Chim, there's a good chance he'd been an ass in part to protect himself from feeling too bad about losing someone, too (again) - not that that's any type of excuse for the shit he'd had a hand in putting her through. An excuse for the things he's said, in the heat of the moment, in the quiet caverns of life under a shitty captain.

(Stumbled apologies, serious expressions on a face softened only by the shots he'd been buying all night, words said and unsaid between them and the gaping maw between a Chim happy to accept and move on while Hen downed her tequila and waited for the other shoe to drop.)

It's been years since then. Years and years winding between them all, a dozen captains and more than a few transfers of good firefighters away from the 118, and something good and warm and special brewing in their house with the arrival of the captain who'd made family dinners a daily occurrence.

She'd sort of expected Tommy might finally open up, when those family dinners kept going and Nash kept staying and things started to settle into something closer to friendly instead of the soldiers of war camaraderie they'd grown so used to. And maybe he has, to someone who isn't Hen - who'd taken his little efforts to change at face value and refused to put in more work than that for a colleague who'd made mostly bare minimum efforts post-Gerrard, always accepting the new status quo, refusing to make waves. She respects Tommy. Trusts him on the job, and sometimes off of it when they've had a shitty shift and need to decompress before they go home to the people in their lives who can never really understand losing someone to the heat of a fire, to blood loss and blunt force trauma. Doesn't care for him the way Chim seems to, doesn't really desire a closer relationship than the one they've maintained through the turnover of captains and the 48's they pull on occasion.

But Tommy's being weird, and Hen's pretty sure she's the only one who sees it.

She waits until she's sure Chim has a date to hit up Tommy for an after shift drink, and his eyes crinkle around the corners in suspicion because he knows just as well as she that she's putting them in an awkward position without the buffer zone of an extra coworker to fill in the blank spots of the things they don't say to each other. He'll be gone in a week. There's not a single fucking reason for her to try to get to know him better now.

"Sure thing, Wilson," he says, and when he offers to drive them both Hen makes up some excuse about needing her car in case of some Denny related emergency.

---

She expects it to take a while. Ply him with a few drinks, figure out what it is about Howie that always puts Tommy at ease so quickly when they're out like this and try to replicate it - he keeps things close to the vest but Hen has ways of weaseling things out of people once she's got them where she wants them.

Tommy sighs and picks at the label on his bottle. Thins his lips, and stares at her sideways. "I'm seeing someone," he says, in an undertone, and Hen hasn't even taken her first sip from the bottle he'd ordered for her, too, while she scrounged up one of the smaller booths. His eyes dart, like he's checking to make sure no one else is listening, that no one here recognizes him, and Hen - Hen knows that look. She just can't square that look with Mr. Toxic Heterosexuality himself.

Hen takes a sip. Forces herself not to vibrate out of her own skin because - because - because she's gotta wait this shit out. Could be he's found himself attracted to some weird goth chick, or a woman with meat on her bones, in which case he's in for a big ole smack to the head or one of the looks she reserves for when the boys get a little too caught up in their locker room talk.

He darts his gaze up. Meets hers, steady on, for the first time in...weeks, actually, now that she's thinking about it, and the guilt there in his eyes sure is something to behold.

"He's younger," Tommy says, and Hen rolls her tongue over her teeth so she doesn't do something stupid like hone in on that pronoun with either glee or full-on righteous anger.

Hen narrows her eyes instead, and is surprised that he keeps her gaze. She's expecting - unnecessary contrition, or maybe a ducked head or excuses. He chews on the inside of his lip and chuffs out a self deprecating laugh.

"I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing and he still lives in a frat house."

Hen's mind goes somewhere inappropriate, and she has to stop herself from making a truly horrible hand gesture because he can't possibly mean -

He rolls his eyes. "I know where to stick it, Wilson, that's not the issue."

She has about half a million questions queueing - things she's not sure they're close enough to ask, things she doesn't actually want the answer to but stick there in the back of her mind anyway, things she'd never ask someone who'd been kind to her from the outset. "How'd you do it?" he asks, and Hen remembers the way he'd stood, arms crossed and face blank and something sad and vulnerable in his face while she lectured from her red and chrome pulpit. Jesus. He's known. He's known a while.

"I've never exactly been passing," she tells him, and winces at the aggression in her voice, in that statement, in the very existence of the idea. He shoots her a bitchy look that's far more familiar, in line with their normal dynamic. It has her rolling her shoulders back, has her sitting up a little more in her seat. "Is that - are you asking me how to come out?"

Tommy shrugs. Tips his head. "You're the one who wanted to get drinks."

"And if I hadn't asked?"

She knows the answer. The dumbass would have transferred out of the 118 with no one the wiser. Probably fallen off all the group chats, squared with himself for however long it took, decided one way or another who to tell from there. But he's here now, talking to Hen. Telling Hen, the person he's probably the least close to.

Hen sighs. Takes a longer drag off her beer this time while Tommy folds up a piece of the label he's ripped off. She's not gonna be his fucking gay guru. They're not anywhere approaching that close.

He could have lied, though, is the thing. Seems like he's maybe been lying for a while, if the uncharacteristic fidgeting is anything to go by. She knows him under stress, knows him when he's walking through literal fire. Figurative fire is an entirely different matter. She doesn't know that Tommy.

The words that fall out of her mouth aren't the ones she's aiming for. "You and Sal." she says, and then bites down the rest of that sentence like it'll burn them both. His eyes dart up. He shifts in his seat.

"The only reason I'm saying a word is because the answer is no," he says, and - yeah that's fair. Everyone has the right to come out of the closet in their own fucking time.

"So this kid," Hen says, moving on, and - oh. There's that look. It's a little dreamy-eyed, the way he's been getting sometimes when he's looking down at his phone and trying his hardest to keep a straight face. "What's the deal there?"

"He's new," Tommy says, and Hen can feel her brow tic up of it's own accord, because he says it with the authority of someone who isn't new. Hen has to wonder exactly how many times the perpetually single Tommy joke had been made while Tommy was less than single. God, that had to have stung, hadn't it? "He's - apparently he didn't realize he was flirting until I kissed him about it."

That's remarkably brave for a man who isn't out to a single person he and Hen are mutually acquainted with. At least as far as she knows - Chim can't keep a secret to save his damn life so at least she knows he doesn't know.

"You know you didn't have to tell me any of this."

His expression is wry. He bites his lip, curls his tongue over his teeth, shakes his head like he's clearing cobwebs. "The transfer isn't the only thing I had on the docket for major life changes."

Karen's gonna be pissed if Hen doesn't get the dirt, she tells herself as she leans forward, so she throws a teasing edge to her voice as she quirks a brow. "This life change have anything to do with your baby gay or is that just a natural progression of the coming out process?"

Tommy's posture eases, just a little. He gives her a look that she's more familiar with seeing when Chim's in the booth next to him, or they're elbow deep in shit-talk at the station.

"Happy accident, actually," he says, and Hen leans in to listen to him dish when his eyes go all soft and gooey.

___

She's known Evan Buckley a total of six hours the first time he mentions his boyfriend. There's a nervous edge to it, like he's still testing the word out, like the syllables are unfamiliar, and he glances down at the phone in his lap right after he says it, like he's double checking something. Hen wouldn't have pegged him for it, for all that she tends not to make assumptions. It's just. He's so.

Hen shoves back against the stereotypical bullshit and throws him a bone, because he looks like he's fucking desperate to share information on the fact that someone cares enough about him to let him call them his boyfriend. She lobs a layup, something relatable about 'my wife, Karen'.

"Yeah, Tommy said you were married."

Hen pauses. Wonders if she can turn her head like an owl so that she doesn't have to shift her weight to look behind her at where Buck is happily washing dishes, elbow-deep in sudsy water. There's no one else up here with them - most of the shift is working off dinner downstairs.

"We never have meals like this at home, I'm lucky if the guys I live with don't steal my last packet of ramen before I can get to it," he'd said, and she remembers Tommy grinning at the memory of this Evan he'd been seeing being inordinately impressed by the fact that Tommy could grill a steak. ("Jesus, Kinard, are you sure you're not robbing the fucking cradle?")

Hen shifts. Eyes him a little more carefully as he turns his head to meet her gaze, and - holy shit, she's actually feeling a little protective of Tommy Kinard right now. "He know you're out here sharing his business?" It's not the tone she's going for - admonishing instead of exploratory, but Buck just grins at her over his shoulder, like he's pleased Tommy has someone watching out for him. Shit. She'd been a little concerned that Tommy was in over his head, stuck up on the idea of being out out and clinging to the first boy that batted his lashes, but it feels like maybe there's more to it than that. She can't square that with what has to be at least a decade of years between them, but -

Love is love, and all that.

"We, uh. We've been talking about it."

Hen raises an eyebrow, because that's not actually a green light to air Tommy's business.

"He - well last night we talked about it again. So. I mean it's not like Facebook official or anything. But he said it was cool to talk to you. A-all of you. He's - everyone at Harbor knows me."

It hurts a bit to know that Tommy's been there less than six months and felt more comfortable being himself with a bunch of strangers, but...

It's good. That he has that. That he's not walking the world just shoving bits and pieces of himself away.

Hen watches him rinse his arms and square his shoulders and shift to face her. "How'd you two meet, anyway?" she asks, because Tommy had been so stuck on the trying to figure out how to have an honest relationship piece that she'd never gotten around to asking.

Buck's expression could be easily mistaken for a solar flare, for the way it lights up the whole loft.

[pinkponydiaz]

there’s something so special to me about eddie diaz being freak4freak for buck buckley except for curses. he’ll wear a couples costume, he’ll run from bees covered in perfume, he doesn’t even know he matches bucks freak with the well, buck was out there wailing and digging at the ground with his bare hands and the rest of the team acted like he was a spouse who’s partner is missing presumed, and eddie devoted diaz doesn’t even know this but he still gives buck his entire soul in response, he gives buck chris LEGALLY if he can’t be there because if he can’t be there with chris and buck personally then he’s gonna make damn sure they have each other. and he didn’t even know how badly buck broke down!! that’s what makes me crazy. they’re so down bad for each other and I think eddie knows it but doesn’t think about it. the sky is blue, grass is green, buck buckley is the other half of eddie diaz. buck doesn’t know eddie gave him chris and when eddie gets shot he IMMEDIATELY does exactly what eddie knows he will, which is take care of chris even though obviously buck buckley needs to be at eddies side, but he can’t because their kid comes first. eddie drags ana along for ages until buck tells him he’s felt like that before, bucks suffering is the only thing that makes eddie wise up and be honest with that poor woman. buck dies and eddie restarts his heart, brings him chris and then doesn’t look at him because if he looks at him it’s real, and then everyone babys buck and eddie backs off because he KNOWS he’ll come to eddie when he’s ready. they know each other to the core but they’re also so stupid they don’t realize what they’re doing. eddie makes a new friend, buck spirals and then kisses the new friend and then decides that’s why buck was crazy, and then buck comes out and eddie spirals so bad, and through all of this shit they’re there, side by side, never wavering (except for the funniest divorced dads fight to ever grace the frozen aisle at howies) because they’re freaks about each other in every way. except for curses. that’s eddies line. and that’s the funniest part. they’re not normal, they’ve never been normal and they never will be, but also them only really being polar opposites about one thing and it’s curses makes me giggle but also makes me want them both to bone.

[eli-am-confused]

Something, something, disaster gay president that falls in love with every man he meets.

Bonus: Howie having a drink with some cousins to vent. It’s only somewhat helpful.

Howie: I’m gonna die alone!

Paul: Howie, of course you’re not.

Bailey: No he totally is! Bartender two more rounds of shots!

If you can’t read the pictures it’s under the cut.

First picture:

Vice President Bob Morris is saying something very important.

President Howard Goodman stopped listening as soon as Morris’ blazer came off (he totally wears one but takes it off during long meetings)

Second picture:

General John MacNamara: I need you to listen very carefully mister president

Unfortunately President Howard Goodman is not paying attention anymore

Third picture:

Xander Lee is explaining some sciencey shit with the portal

Poor President Howard Goodman doesn’t understand a single word he’s saying

Fourth picture:

Wilbur Cross, knowing exactly what he’s doing: Hey Howie~

Fifth picture:

President Howard Goodman, the gayest disaster to ever be elected as America’s president: Oh no, he’s hot!

[salty-autistic-writer]

A little headcanon fic. Buck and Tommy talk about scars and Chimney. ~

“And this one?” Buck asks, tracing a long moon-shaped silver scar on Tommy’s arm.

“Cut myself while working on a car,” Tommy says. “It happened before. But never like this. This bitch of a cut didn’t stop bleeding. Sal had to drive me to the hospital where they stitched me up. He was constantly complaining about how I was bleeding all over his car seats even though we wrapped a towel around my arm.”

Buck hums. His eyes wander over Tommy’s stretched-out body. All that exposed skin. So much skin. And a lot of scars. Every single one tells a story. He wants to know them all.

“This one?” He asks, gently touching a circle of raised skin on Tommy’s shoulder.

“Got shot during my time in the military. Didn’t even really notice. I was too focused on flying us out of there. I only noticed when I got dizzy from blood loss and someone from my team took over, landing the chopper. The bullet went right through. Fortunately, it didn’t hit anything important.”

Buck swallows. He stares at the scar. Tommy could have died back then. He almost died a few more times after that, of course. Buck focuses on the shrapnel scars, which always look more like a flower tattoo to him. His throat tightens as he realizes once again, how dangerous their jobs are. Death is a constant shadow lurking in the corner.

“You have to be more careful,” he says pointedly, putting his head on Tommy’s warm chest with a content sigh.

Tommy raises a brow. “Says the guy who stumbles into a life-threatening event twice a year.”

Buck shrugs. “It’s not like I want to. They seem to find me.”

“Maybe it’s just the 118,” Tommy muses. “Maybe it is cursed after all.”

“Now you sound just like Chimney,” Buck chuckles.

Tommy smiles. “That reminds me … I still have to properly thank Howie.”

Buck frowns in confusion. “Why?”

“Well, if he hadn’t saved my life, I wouldn’t be here now. And if he hadn’t called me for help with saving Bobby and Athena, I wouldn’t have met you,” Tommy says seriously.

Buck freezes. He raises his head from Tommy’s chest, staring at him. “Wait. Chimney saved your life?!”

“Yeah. Back when he joined the 118, he dragged my unconscious ass out of an exploding building even though I was an insufferable idiot who first insulted, then ignored him. They told me about it in the hospital. I felt horrible. Later we talked and hugged. He gave me his number. Told me we could go for a beer after shift sometime. It was the first time after the army that I dared to open up a little more to a colleague. Friend, now. Of course.”

“Wow,” Buck breathes. “I had no idea. He never told me. Guess I have to thank him too.”

Tommy chuckles and brushes his fingers through Buck’s hair. “Yeah. Well, Howie is way too quiet about how awesome he is. Let’s buy him a fruit basket.”

“Or,” Buck says, a grin spreading on his face. “Let’s bake him a heart-shaped cake with “for our favourite matchmaker” on it. He loves those cakes.”

Right?

[inawickedlittletown]

One Year - BuckTommy - 8x06 fix it

Summary: This is my fix-it because I for one can't take that break up being the end. So, it takes a while, but they belong together. Words: 6k Read on Ao3

-

The first time he saw Evan again, it was from afar. It had been a couple of weeks. They were at the same call, Tommy somehow winding up on the ground. He spotted Evan walking next to Eddie with Howie and Hen just ahead of them, heard their voices despite how loud everything was. He kept his distance, and only once ran into someone from the 118. Ravi, who gave him a smile and nod. 

The next time, it was at one of the badge and ladder bars. Lucy had forced him to go. Had she not been holding his arm, he would have turned and fled. Instead he saw Evan throw back a shot and then walk over to some guy whose physique told Tommy he had to be a firefighter. He saw as Evan said something that made the other guy laugh and then they were getting drinks together and…and Lucy took him out the door while he tried to catch a breath. 

Tommy wasn’t new to a break up…it was just that this one was hitting harder than any before. 

Before Evan, there had been three boyfriends. Before and in between were hookups and one-night stands and even some friends with benefits that popped in and out of his life. He’d come out when he was in his early thirties, around the same age as Evan. Of course, for Tommy it had been different. He’d been hiding it from everyone and even from himself. 

In the army, he and some other guys had had a bit of fun. Masturbating together and pretending it was all fine and heterosexual because they weren’t touching each other. He’d exchanged one or two blowjobs here or there like an exchange of favors with guys that had girlfriends waiting for them back home. He lied and told them he had a girl too. Pretended he didn’t like giving as much as he liked receiving. 

Things were much the same when he was at the 118, except that pretending he had a girlfriend was harder. He even tried to date women. Abby…he’d met Abby when the 118 went to a call about her mother. She’d almost burnt down her whole house by forgetting to turn off a stove and looking back that had definitely been an early sign of her dementia. Abby was nice and Tommy couldn’t deny that he got along with her and it helped that she understood how busy his job kept him and what his hours were like. 

Dating Abby was the first time he felt like maybe he could do it. Marry the girl. Have some kids. Lie to himself and the world forever. As unfair as it was to Abby, it just…Tommy could tell that it might work. It was why they got engaged. It was why he was so sure about getting married but then there were guys he met on calls or that he checked out from time to time and he didn’t think he would ever be able to put that away. Instead, he would wind up cheating on Abby and making the hurt worse. So, he broke it off and felt horrible when he realized that Abby had gotten the blow of her mom’s dementia diagnosis.

After Abby, Tommy went a little wild. He slept around. Found out more about himself. Knew that he could never do what he did to Abby to any other woman. He heard at some point about Abby taking up with a younger guy. In what universe could Tommy have expected that years later he would date the same guy. 

One night, he ran into Karen at a Target of all places. Tommy was there to pick up detergent and he was just deciding between brand name or the store brand and also trying his hardest to not buy the brand he knew that Evan used, when a cart bumped into his. 

“I’m so sorry,” Karen said. 

He looked up slowly. 

“Tommy,” Karen said warmly. “Hi.” 

Behind her came Denny and Mara. Mara he’d only met a handful of times and he knew her to be a little shy. Denny smiled at him. 

“Hi, Tommy.”

“Oh. Hi,” Tommy said. “You got your cast off.” 

Denny nodded. “A little while ago.” 

He remembered sitting in that hospital waiting room and how he’d tagged along to Denny’s room and hadn’t expected that Denny would want him to sign his cast seeing as he was all but a stranger, but Denny did offer him the marker and Tommy did sign.

Despite wanting to, he didn’t ask about Evan. He hardly managed to ask about Hen. 

“She’s good,” Karen said and then, “hey, listen, you don’t have to be a stranger.” 

He offered her a tight smile. 

“I’m serious. Hey, how about dinner soon?”

He shrugged and Karen insisted, pulling out her phone and throwing dates at him until he agreed. 

Before she left, Karen grabbed his arm. “I don’t know what happened, no one really does, Hen says he doesn’t want to talk about it. You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to, but that doesn’t mean you’re not our friend still, Alright? That doesn’t just go for Hen and I, either.” 

Eddie had reached out the day after. The day after that too. And the one after that one. Then it was weekly. Then it was bi-weekly. Then came a final message. A voicemail. Tommy almost didn’t listen to it. 

“Hey, man,” Eddie said. “I guess you decided to cut all ties. I get it. Kind of. And look, Buck is my friend, but you are too and I don’t drop my friends. I know you’re hurting too, so don’t be afraid to reach out. I’m here for whenever you’re ready.” 

Tommy never called him. He thought about it. Almost texted him several times. He missed Eddie. 

He missed their easy friendship and the way that Eddie had welcomed him so wholly. He just couldn’t face him because Eddie would give it all away about how Evan was doing and Tommy wouldn’t be able to keep his own feelings in. It would burst out and then Eddie would know just how horrible Tommy really felt and how regretful too. 

He did regret it. 

He hated himself. 

Tommy went to dinner with Hen and Karen. It was good. Fun, even. Neither of them asked and Tommy didn’t offer any information. Instead, he got to hear about Mara’s adoption going through finally and about how Maddie was pregnant and doing really well. He tried not to think about Evan becoming an uncle for the second time and how excited he had to be over it. They exchanged Lucy stories and then stories from way back when Tommy was in the 118. Tommy promised they would do dinner again. 

The next time he ran into Evan, it had been more time than they had even been together. Tommy shouldn’t still be mourning the end of the relationship and yet…of course he was. Of course he still missed Evan desperately. So much for waylaying a heartbreak, there hadn’t been stopping that apparently and seeing Evan was like having someone reach right into his chest and squeeze. 

The first guy that he ever called boyfriend was a guy named Ivan. Ivan was a little older…okay, much older, and Tommy thought he was in love. Figured that was it and that he and Ivan could be forever. When Ivan broke it off because he met someone else, Tommy was devastated. 

“Tommy, I’m your first boyfriend, of course this wasn’t going to last. I always thought we were on the same page and that this was a bit of fun.” 

A month or so later, Tommy realized that Ivan was right. He wasn’t torn up and he hadn’t been in love as much as wanting the security of the relationship because it meant he didn’t need to keep looking for love. He’d gotten comfortable with Ivan, but what they hadn’t wasn’t something that would last no matter how much Tommy had thought it was what he wanted. 

The second guy came a year or so later. Paul was younger and Tommy met him while they were on a call. When Paul came by with muffins a few days later they got talking and Paul admitted that he was nervous but he’d wanted to see Tommy again. They had a few dates and then Tommy was rushing in with Paul. They spent every moment together and then moved in together too. 

When they broke up right before their one year anniversary, it was because Paul admitted that he never thought his first real relationship with a guy could be his last and that he had more options to explore. 

“Tommy, you were amazing. You will always be so important to me, but I’m not in love with you.” 

Somehow, that still hurt less than Evan and Tommy only had himself to blame for that. 

He saw Evan at a farmer’s market. He was with Jee-Yun who skipped ahead of him laughing. Evan was smiling after her. Tommy didn’t mean to follow, but he did keep his distance. Saw Evan buy a few things and smile at the girl that sold them to him, saw him stop at a stand selling apple cider, the man behind the counter blond and tall and bulky. Hot. His eyes were hazel and he was smiling at Evan and ignoring anyone else that approached. Evan was smiling back and doing that thing where he ducked his head bashfully before looking up through his eyelashes. Tommy’s heart ached. 

Tommy walked away from that. He turned and he walked until he was back at his car and then he sat there in his truck and let his mind wander because what if Evan asked that guy out? Or the girl? What if one of them wasn’t dumb like Tommy and stuck around and refused to let Evan go. What if Tommy never got a chance to…but he’d already blown his chance with Evan and he doubted there would ever be another. 

When he got to his shift later, Lucy took one look at him.

“Hey, you okay?” 

“I don’t think I’ve been okay for months.” 

Lucy hugged him. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” she asked. 

He shook his head. 

It was hard to even admit to himself how much he’d screwed up and how much he’d allowed his fear to color how he faced Evan wanting more than what they already had. He’d been unprepared when Evan brought it up and then it had been the Abby of it all and the way that Tommy knew he couldn’t expect for Evan to settle for him. That just wasn’t how it worked. He was the first, but not the last. Tommy just wasn’t good enough to be Evan’s last and it was something that Evan would figure out sooner or later. So why wait for their whole lives to get even more entwined and for everything to be so much harder when it all fell apart. 

One night, when Lucy showed up at his house to hang out, she had tried to bad-talk Evan as if that would help. It was the night she dropped information that Tommy hadn’t known and wasn’t it wild how much he and Evan had inadvertently not shared. Six months and they hadn’t talked about anything at all, apparently. 

Lucy and Evan had kissed once while drunk at a bar. 

The jealousy that hit him was…Tommy wasn’t usually a jealous guy and yet the very idea made him cringe and maybe he downed two shots back to back. 

“I kissed him,” Lucy said. “He didn’t push me away and I had no idea that he had a girlfriend at the time.”

It didn’t make him think badly of Evan, not the way that Lucy maybe intended. It just…it made Tommy wonder about how it would have gone if he was right. Would Evan have cheated on him once he realized he wanted more than what Tommy was willing to offer. But no…no, that wasn’t Evan was it? No, Evan would have stuck it out even when he got miserable and didn’t want to anymore and then Tommy would have had to say something and end it. 

“What happened after that?” Tommy had asked. 

“Between me and Buck? Nothing. I’m just saying, he isn’t this perfect guy either.”

As if Tommy didn’t know that, as if Tommy hadn’t seen exactly who Evan was from the get go. He was a mess, he was jealous, impulsive, he believed in curses, got pouty when he didn’t get his way. Evan was far from perfect, but Tommy had loved him because of it. He saw how much of the bad was still good or maybe not even bad at all. 

Lucy did leave him thinking about how they had never discussed exes until Abby and how maybe they should have. He wondered if Evan would have even brought up the Lucy of it all. He wondered how he would have taken Tommy’s own exes…Ivan and Paul and…and Henry. 

Henry was the last boyfriend before Evan. Gorgeous Henry who began as a friend and then started to get a bit flirty and who kissed Tommy for the first time at a New Years Eve party and then freaked out because Tommy was a guy. 

Weeks of not talking and Tommy not being able to stop thinking about him to an obsessive degree. How on Valentine’s day, he was surprised when red roses and chocolate was delivered to Harbor from Henry to Tommy and a simple note asking him out. He’d gotten so much shit for that, but Tommy had secretly loved it. The romance of it all, the sweetness. Henry had been so sweet. 

Henry who told Tommy that he was sorry but he had no idea guys were an option for him and how he couldn’t deny how much he wanted Tommy. They had long conversations about it and Tommy took it so slow that they didn’t even have sex for the first two months. 

Tommy didn’t realize that their feelings were different. Tommy had been crushing on Henry even before the kiss and then he had him. Henry had been mystified by Tommy and his attraction to him, but it wasn’t long before his eyes started to wander. Tommy had bought his house right before they started dating and when Henry’s roommate situation got a bit difficult he welcomed him right in. It had felt like the start of the rest of their lives. That had been a mistake. 

Tommy had been so blind. Looking back, the red flags had been evident. He’d been blinded by love and friendship and daydreams about a future he thought was within his grasp. Then, one night, when he managed to sprain an ankle, Tommy was first taken to the hospital and then sent home a whole thirteen hours earlier than expected. Henry hadn’t answered his calls, so Tommy got back home on his own. He found Henry in bed with a woman. 

The last time he saw Henry, it was when Henry picked up the last of his things and when Henry made his apologies and excuses it felt like Ivan and Paul before him. 

Tommy was never enough. Not enough. Always the placeholder for something or someone better. 

“Why not just break up with me?” Tommy remembered asking. 

“I didn’t know how. You were so…I’m sorry, Tommy. I guess I’m not done trying to figure out what I want.” 

The one thing Henry had figured out was that Tommy was not what he wanted. 

He did cry after Henry and then he threw himself into work and downloaded an app or two and didn’t try to date seriously. He had friends to call on lonely nights and then he could hit up a bar and find someone that way. Tommy had all but convinced him that it was all he’d ever have, until he met a firefighter with a cute birthmark who Tommy kissed without having planned to and who he almost wrote off after the first date and was so glad he didn’t. Breaking up with Evan was hitting harder than anyone that came before. 

Evan was different. He had burrowed deep in his heart and there was no getting him out. Tommy didn’t think he wanted him out. 

A few weeks later, he saw Eddie at the mall and with him was Christopher. He looked taller than the last time Tommy had seen him, and he was in LA. Eddie looked happy. Of course, he was happy. Tommy hated that he didn’t know when Chris had returned or how Eddie had won him over again. 

“Tommy,” Eddie said. 

“Tommy,” Christopher said. 

Had it been just Eddie, Tommy might have ignored them. Instead, he turned around. 

“Hi,” he said. 

“Hey,” Eddie said with a smile. 

“Hi, Tommy,” Christopher said. 

“Hey, kid, nice to see you back in LA.” 

Chris gave him a rundown of his time in Texas. He talked about the friends he made and his cousins and grandparents, but how Eddie had gone to see him and then Chris decided to come back with him. 

It was nice to talk to Chris and then to follow Eddie and Chris into one of the stores. Chris got distracted then, and Eddie turned to Tommy. 

“How are you really?” 

“It’s been months,” Tommy said. 

“I know. You never called me back. You should have,” Eddie said. 

“I couldn’t,” Tommy said. “You’re…how is he, Eddie?” 

Eddie took in a breath. “Look, I don’t think I should answer that. Buck is coping. He’s doing…what did he call it, he’s exploring. Apparently, it’s what you told him he needed to do.” Eddie’s look was pointed. Full of judgment. 

Tommy had to look away, he had to hope that his eyes wouldn’t fill up with tears. That night, right after he left Evan’s place, Tommy didn’t even remember how he got home. He did remember that he’d gone for his usual comforts. A shot of whiskey, a case of beer, and he’d tried to watch a movie and failed miserably. Hadn’t been able to watch romantic comedies since. Documentaries were out too. 

“Dad,” Christopher called. 

“I — I’ll leave you to it,” Tommy said. 

Eddie grabbed his shoulder. “Wait. No. Just…let’s hang out. You can come over or I can come over. We could sparr or get a drink. We’re still friends, Tommy. I’m serious.” 

“Okay.” 

Eddie called him that night and Tommy couldn’t say no to having Eddie come over to his place. They didn’t talk about Evan the whole time, not until Eddie was getting ready to leave. 

“I want to say something because I’m your friend and Buck’s friend. What you did was really stupid and I never thought you were stupid. If this was the way you always saw it going, why did you waste his time? Why did you let him fall for you? And I know you hurt yourself too, Tommy, I can see it all over you. So why? Just…answer that.” 

Eddie didn’t even let him reply before he left. 

Why did Tommy do that? Because even a minute of knowing Evan was worth it. Ending it early was just…he’d expected it to help because he had control and he was making the call and then he wouldn’t be devastated. It was a little late for it, apparently, at least on his end. 

“He’s exploring,” he said out loud. Eddie’s words. 

What had Tommy expected. God, he really was an idiot. 

A week later he was at a call that the 118 was present for as well. He tried to stay well clear of them, but he couldn’t help but look for Evan. It was like being a moth drawn to light and of course Evan was his light. 

He’d overheard Lucy and Melton talking on his first shift after his talk with Eddie and Melton had said everyone had a regret in love, that everyone had someone they let go of or who let them go that always left what ifs. Evan wasn’t a regret, Tommy would never regret him. What he regretted was that Tommy had allowed fear and his own baggage to cloud things and destroy what he and Evan had. 

Of course, a part of him did still wonder if he had been right. Every relationship came with risk, and Evan having just realized he was into men as much as women, it wasn’t farfetched to think that one day he might think that he’d settled into something with Tommy far too quickly without really knowing for sure it was what he wanted. Evan hadn’t denied that either, he hadn’t tried to stop Tommy leaving. He hadn’t reached out. He hadn’t even asked for any of his things back — granted neither had Tommy. 

Tommy had everything that Evan had ever left as his house in the drawer that had been Evan’s. Or hanging on his coat rack. In his bathroom. In his kitchen. He hadn’t had the heart to remove any of it and sometimes when he was really tired or when he’d hit the booze a little hard with Lucy, he could even convince himself that it was there waiting for Evan. 

The call rang long, the fire blazing for a while and worse people stuck inside on the higher floors. Tommy was helping on the ground on a hose, he knew the 118 was helping with evacuation along with the 133 and somehow they did manage to get everyone out and they did manage to get the flames put out. Tommy wouldn’t admit it, but he spent most of the call with his heart in his throat hoping that Evan stayed safe and that nothing went wrong. 

They were just getting back to the truck when he saw Evan a little soot covered, but smiling. He was talking to a reporter. Red hair, pale skin, skinny and pretty. He kept talking to her even after the camera man brought the camera down. 

“That’s Taylor Kelly,” Lucy said and she pushed him to keep moving. 

Taylor Kelly the reporter. Taylor Kelly who was Evan’s ex. Taylor who Evan had cheated on with Lucy. When he turned back to look once more they were no longer talking. 

“I don’t get why you haven’t reached out to him,” Lucy said. 

“He’s a coward,” Melton said. 

“It’s been how many months now and you’re not over him. Do you want me to find out if he’s seeing anyone? Maybe you still have a shot. We’ve never seen you like this before and at first it was I guess normal. Now it’s a bit depressing. What happened, Tommy?” 

“What happened is Melton is right and I am a coward,” Tommy said and then he climbed into the truck and looked away from them, glad when they didn’t talk to him the whole way back to Harbor. 

He heard about Maddie giving birth from Hen. It was a passing comment one night when he went over for dinner and Tommy found himself mourning that he hadn’t been there for Evan through all of it, especially because as Karen told it, Maddie had had a hard labor. 

He was shown pictures from Hen’s phone. The baby was tiny and already had a tuft of dark hair. He scrolled through pictures and then there he was. Evan holding the baby in his arms, the baby looking even smaller tucked right into the crook of Evan’s elbow and Evan smiling down with so much awe and love. It hurt to look at him, but Tommy couldn’t stop. 

So maybe there had been times when Tommy allowed himself to think about a future where he and Evan stayed together, one where they were married and decided they should be parents too. He’d seen Evan around kids too often, knew Evan would want to be a dad. Tommy had never longed for that or anything, but with Evan he would have wanted it. That was all gone now. 

“Oh,” Karen said. “Sorry. I forgot…”

Tommy forced himself to flip to the next picture. Another shot of Evan, this time he was looking up with the bluest glassiest eyes. He missed him. He missed him so damn much and it wasn’t fair how much. 

“Tommy,” Karen said. “Hey, are you alright?” 

“I miss him,” Tommy said. 

“I’m pretty sure he misses you too,” Hen said. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Do you have anything stronger?” 

Hen didn’t mince words. She told him point blank about how after the break up, Evan had tried to act like he was alright. Then, he’d just started to do anything he could in order to keep busy. 

“He started baking,” Hen said. “Then he started doing yoga. He started rock climbing. I think he even took an art class. Anyway, it was hard to watch but I guess it was better than if he sat at home wallowing.” 

“Like I did,” Tommy said. 

Karen grasped his wrist. “You were both hurting. What happened, Tommy?” 

“He asked me to move in and I said no.” 

“And you broke up over that?” Hen asked, surprised. 

Tommy shook his head. “No. Yes. In what world was this going to last? He only just discovered he likes men and yeah it was going well but it wasn’t forever. If we moved in together, it was going to be so much harder when we broke up.” 

“That’s…that’s bullshit, Tommy,” Hen said. “So, you broke his heart and yours so it wouldn’t happen later on.” 

“I didn’t break his—”

“You did,” Karen said. 

“Well shouldn’t he get a chance to explore what his sexuality means? Shouldn’t he get to figure that out instead of settling for the first guy he dates?” 

“And what if he wasn’t settling?” 

That kept him up all of that night. He still remembered how the conversation had gone. Evan had brought up the Abby thing and Tommy had felt put on the spot because it was the last thing he expected and then Evan had started to explain about Abby being an important relationship to him and how Tommy was just as important, the most important since, and all at once Tommy’s fears and insecurities had rushed forward because Evan and Abby hadn’t made it and now that Tommy was this gay mentor or whatever of course it wouldn’t last either. He tried to explain that to Hen and Karen and they both looked at him like he was the one that didn’t get it. 

“You need to talk to him,” Hen said. “For both your sakes.” 

“I don’t know if I can,” Tommy admitted. 

Exactly a year after it happened, he saw Evan again. 

Tommy had gone out to a gay bar because he couldn’t stay home and wallow. Lucy had also told him that he needed to put himself out there again. That if he wasn’t going to talk to Evan, then he needed to talk to someone that might give him a reason to move on. He really didn’t want to, but at the same time his right hand was getting tired and maybe some release of a carnal nature was what Tommy needed. No one had said it, but they had all kind of implied that Evan had at least gotten out there. 

He and Evan had gone to that bar once, gotten a drink and then danced a little before calling it a night and heading back to Evan’s, both of them eager to get up to Evan’s bedroom. He remembered seeing more than a few eyes looking at Evan with interest and how it had made something inside him churn because Tommy had known that if Evan was on the market again he wouldn’t have a hard time finding someone that was interested in him. 

Finding himself a free spot at the bar, Tommy ordered a beer and he tried not to think about the first few times that Tommy had gone into a gay bar and how nervous he’d been to actually put himself out there like that. 

“Hi, handsome,” a male voice said before Tommy had even gotten his beer. 

Tommy turned. “Hello.” 

The guy had floppy hair. He was lanky and thin, could probably be called a twink. He was also way too young for Tommy, probably not even in his mid-twenties. 

“So,” the twink said, hand reaching to touch Tommy’s chest right where the V of his shirt ended. “Want to have some fun?” He wiggled his eyebrows and licked his lips and his hand climbed to Tommy’s neck. 

“Sorry,” Tommy said. “That’s not why I’m here.” 

“Boo,” the guy said, hand dropping away, “So why are you here?” 

“A drink,” Tommy said decisively because he knew that even if someone age appropriate were to approach him, he wouldn’t have been interested. They weren’t Evan. 

“Oh, well. It was worth trying. Though, I don’t usually get turned down twice in one night.” 

“What’s your name?” Tommy asked. 

“Owen.” 

“Well, Owen, it looks to me like there are plenty of fishes in the sea. Third time might be the charm. To be honest, you’re way too young for me and I’m still…I’m hung up on my ex.” 

Owen took a look around, but he turned back to Tommy. “Bad break up? Did he break your heart?” 

“More like I broke his and mine. Such an idiot.” 

“But, hey, you’re still hot. I could help you forget for a few hours.” 

Tommy laughed. 

Owen grinned. “Not ready for that. Must have been quite the guy.” 

“Yeah.” 

Owen wandered off and Tommy watched him strike up a conversation with another guy, someone a little closer to his age. They seemed to hit it off and next time he saw them they were out getting lost in the crowd of bodies on the dance floor. 

Tommy finished his beer and was about to order another when he heard a familiar voice. Down the bar he found Evan. He was turned away from Tommy looking to one of the tables where a man was waving. Tommy couldn’t watch this. He couldn’t see Evan flirt with someone else. He couldn’t see Evan go home with that guy. He couldn’t look away. 

Evan said something to the girl behind the bar and…wait, did he not accept the drink? Then, he saw Evan put some money down right before finishing his beer and moving to leave. 

Tommy did the same and he followed. 

Evan made it out the door just ahead of him and Tommy had to get around several people, but eventually he made it to the door and then out. Evan was just outside, arms crossed over his chest, waiting. 

“Tommy,” he said. 

His voice, the sound of his name, Tommy felt it all down to his bones. 

“Hi, Evan,” he said and he knew his voice broke on Evan’s name. 

“It’s been a year,” Evan said. 

The door opened behind Tommy and Tommy had to step out of the way, his eyes never leaving Evan because maybe Evan would disappear. 

“I know,” Tommy said. 

“It’s felt like longer,” Evan said. 

“I know.” 

“I miss you,” Evan said. 

“I miss you too.” 

Evan was quiet for a beat and then, “then, why?” 

It was high time he stopped being a coward, high time that he stopped getting in his own way or letting the past intrude on his present. 

“Because I’m the biggest idiot,” Tommy said.

Evan snorted. “You’re not wrong.” 

The door opened again bringing with it a wave of music. It was Owen, arms linked with the guy he’d been dancing with. He looked between them and laughed, shaking his head as he walked past them. 

“Maybe we should take this conversation elsewhere,” Tommy suggested. 

Tommy’s house was closer. It felt better than going to Evan’s loft, not that it stopped Tommy from remembering how it had all gone. How he’d let the door close behind him and he’d just thought that it was the right call. 

Evan followed him inside. 

“You know, it was so dumb of me to ask you to move in when you’re the one that owns his own place,” Evan said. “I was just…overcorrecting. Rushing. Trying to show you how much I wanted us to have a future.”

“And I got scared,” Tommy said and led Evan to the living room. “I was dumb too. I should never have broken up with you but, Evan, the way you were talking about Abby and me, it was like of course I was just here to be your next transformative relationship. The next thing that prepared you for…for whoever came next.”

Transformative. That word had stuck around for him, he realized. The comparison Evan had made about his relationship with Abby to their relationship. He and Evan sat down.

“Tommy, I’m—”

Tommy stood. “I’ll go get us some water.” 

He didn’t wait for Evan to respond. As soon as he was out of the room he took a few breaths. What were they doing here? What were either of them hoping to accomplish? Did Evan want to get back together? Was that…was that the right move? 

Twelve months. It had been double the amount of time that their relationship had lasted and Tommy ached for Evan. He longed for him. He still hadn’t gotten rid of any of the things that reminded him of Evan or the things that belonged to Evan either. Hell, he hadn’t even let anyone take over or make their own mark. 

“Tommy?” Evan called you. “Do you want me to come to the kitchen?” 

“I’ll be right back.” 

He grabbed and filled glasses. 

Evan had started pacing the floor. He looked distraught. Tommy wanted to grab his hands and hug him, instead he set down the water. 

“We never talked about our exes,” Tommy said. 

Evan’s gaze snapped towards him. “No, I guess we didn’t.”

“Come, sit,” Tommy said and motioned to the couch. “Evan, I think I let my past decide my future and clearly I was wrong and this last year has been miserable. I’ve missed you every day and I thought walking away was the right thing for you, but it was definitely the wrong thing for me and I just—”

He didn’t expect Evan to kiss him, but that’s what Evan did. It didn’t last long and Tommy wanted to pull him right into another kiss because it had been a year since the last time he kissed him — the last time he’d kissed anybody. 

“Evan,” he said. 

“I learned a year and a half ago that was one way of getting someone’s attention,” Evan said. “I’ve been miserable too. I hated this last year and I missed you and as much as I wanted to hate you I just love you too much.” 

Then, they were kissing again and Tommy was pressed back against his couch, Evan practically crawling into his lap. His arms were around Evan again and he really hadn’t thought that he would ever have this again, but Evan was there and he smelled amazing and he felt amazing and their lips slotted together perfectly. 

Tommy didn’t even realize he was crying until Evan pulled back and his hands were brushing away his tears and then kissing his cheeks. His nose. 

“I love you,” Evan said. “I’m in love with you.” 

His heart was soaring and he reached to cup Evan’s cheeks. “Good, because I love you too.” 

Evan smiled wide at him, pecked his lips and then just hugged him. Held him. Tommy held him back. 

“We’ll have to talk about it,” Tommy said. “I want to explain. I want—”

“Later,” Evan said. “Right now, I just want…I want to bask in this. In us.” 

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

I’m greedy. Gimme some a dat spy tommy and guardian Angel Kevin please 🥰🥰

Hello, @rdng1230! Thanks for the ask! And you got it!

Here's a wee snippet from Spy!Tommy aka Live and Let Spy. This is from the scene where Buck and Tommy have caught up to Sal and Tommy who are trying to complete a mission. Buck is under the incorrect impression that Tommy is cheating on him with Sal. Things are not going well for anyone. Enjoy some Sal POV:

Sal eyed Tommy’s boy as he holstered his gun—his Evan—smirking when his scowl grew deeper. “Why don’t you kids run along home?”

Tommy shot him a look; his voice holding a note of warning. “Sal.”

“Why don’t we what? Screw you, Sal,” Evan said, charging forward.

Sal held his ground, used to much bigger and scarier dogs than this little pup. He huffed out a laugh at the kid’s bluster and shifted his weight, ready to take him down if he had to. Tommy could kiss his booboos better after they finished this fucking mission.

If they survived anyway.

The kid’s eyes narrowed as he crowded into Sal’s space and Sal jerked his head back when he started sniffing near his friggin’ mouth. What the hell?

In a flash, a large hand had him pressed against the side of the building. “I’m only going to ask this once and you’re going to tell me the truth,” Evan said, his voice going low and dangerous. “Did you eat my lasagna?”

Silence stretched out in the alley as no one dared to move. Never had Sal heard five words more loaded with extra meaning in his entire life. And he was a friggin’ spy.

He could see Tommy putting the pieces together just as quickly as he was, horror dawning on his face as he realized what kind of conclusions his boyfriend had come to about the two of them and the nature of their relationship.

A little too much horror if you asked Sal.

He was a catch.

Tommy had only himself to blame when Sal shot his boyfriend a shit-eating grin and said, “Yup. Both pieces. And I loved every last bite.”

Evan looked about ready to deck him when his buddy Eddie piped up behind him. “…is lasagna code for something? Because I’ve never heard that one before and Buck usually fills me in on all the terms whether I want to know or not.”

I put the Guardian Angels snippet under the cut!

Okay so this one is going to be fun, I think! It's based on this ficlet that I started here and I'm working on turning it into a whole story. It's going to be from Kevin's POV, but it will eventually include everyone's guardian angels in some way (that's all I can say without spoilers, lol) Here's a bit of the opening:

Kevin woke with a gasp—the echo of a strangled scream dying in his throat.

Dying…

Falling.

Sitting up with a jolt, he patted himself down frantically, breath finally slowing when he realized that he was okay. He was fine. He was…sleeping on Howie’s couch and having incredibly vivid dreams, apparently. Because he was alive.

Not dead.

Unless the afterlife was in Howie’s apartment in which case Reverend Michaels had really been overselling things on that front.

But…

He remembered the fire—working the scene with Howie up on the roof and the woman, the pregnant woman who stumbled out, she was going to fall through and he—he’d pushed her out of the way and fallen through himself. He remembered choking smoke and flames roaring up around him and pain. And fear. And then…nothing.

So, what the hell was going on?

A door creaked behind him and he whipped around to see Howie step slowly out of his room. Kevin’s breath caught at the look of utter devastation on his best friend’s face.

“Howie?” he whispered.

Thanks for the ask!

[nessieart]

The Way Back. VII

wc: 4.3k

Summary: These powers were meant to help people. Help The Avengers, your family. It felt like every time you used them, something bad always happened. Maybe someone has the answers, somewhere.

Bucky x reader. || Steve x reader(eventually???)

Masterlist

Previously: There's a clacking of heels on the floor as Peggy enters the room. "I found some bandages. We should get one of the nurses to sew you up, Charlotte dear." She's talking so fast as she comes to a stop on your left. "Here, let's get this off so I can at least get you cleaned up."

You shrug off the top of the coveralls, a wet sticky sound is heard as it peels off your bloody shoulder and down your arm.

"Wait, Charlie -" Howard tries, but it's in vain as the blue glow on your chest is lighting up Peggy's features.

You could care less. Her eyes are wide as she takes in the sight, she staggers back, mouth agape but no noise leaves her.

"I think it stopped bleeding. Just bandage it up so I can get out of here," is all you say. Not caring that the top of your scar is visible. Or that Peggy can't seem to look away from it.

Howard pulls her aside, "Listen, Peg -"

"What the bloody hell is that, Howard!?"

"Now, wait, hold on -"

"I'm from the future."

The lab was a mess when Steve returned. It smelled like smoke and charred wood. Steve could smell the iron tang of blood so strong it wrinkled his nose. He could still smell the gunpowder in the air from the gun that killed Erskine and shot -

"Charlie…" his head snaps up, and he thought he could hear her. He runs to find her, multiple people calling after him, but his only focus is finding her.

"It's fine, Howie," he can hear her say. "I trust her."

Steve skids to a stop outside the exam room, chest heaving and eyes frantic. She looks relatively ok. Her hair is disheveled, and there is dried blood stains running down her arm, but he can see the bandage wrapped around her shoulder and upper arm. There's a faint glow on her chest he's never noticed before, or maybe it's the trick of the lights.

When Steve's eyes are done taking her in and accessing, she's just fine. He sighs. Shoulders relax their tension as he takes a step forward.

"Charlie."

She smiles at him then, like every other smile she's ever given him. Steve realizes then that Charlie has never looked at him any different. Always the same look in her eyes. He's no different from a few hours ago to how he looks now.

"Steve."

**

Before Steve could make it any further into the room, Colonel Phillips and Senator Brandt were behind him, along with a few SSR soldiers.

"Rogers, in the other exam room, now," Phillips left no room for argument as he stormed off down the hall.

Peggy seems to come back to herself the, "Now, wait a moment, Colonel!" she calls after him, squeezing past Steve as she goes to follow.

Steve spares you a worried look, eyebrows creasing in question.

The smile you give him is weary, and exhaustion seems to take hold of you for a moment. "Don't worry about me, Tough Guy, I'm not going anywhere," you try and reassure him. "Howie and I have a lot of clean up to do."

Howard groans and comes to stand next to you, "Ugh, don't remind me."

"Rogers!" Steve winces, but you nod at him, and he nods in return, turning around and going down the hall.

**

Your arm is in a sling the next day, when Steve sees you again. Howard had his arms crossed over his chest as you both stared down at the wreckage of the Vita-Ray machine. A lot of damaged parts lay around, charred and bent. The majority of everything is unsalvageable.

"We might just have to junk everything, Howie." You kick a piece of metal with your toe, "All this shit is trashed," you sigh, sitting down next to a pile of rubble, Howard following suit.

"Maybe you're right," he tosses a piece of metal back into the rubble pile.

Steve comes forward then, hands wringing together, "Charlie, Howard," he nods. "I-I'm sorry for what happened." he motions around and then at you and your injured arm.

You shrug your uninjured shoulder, "It's not the first time, and it won't be the last. It's not your fault."

Howard nudges you, "being injured - I mean n-not shot," you chuckle awkwardly. Howard buries his face in his hands and sighs. Of course you've been shot at before, being an Avenger comes with the job description. Gun fire in more ways than just bullets.

"I'm made of tougher things than you think, Steve," you go to knock your knuckles on your chest, but Howard catches your wrist before you do, the both of you glare at each other for a long moment.

Colonel Phillips and Senator Brandt come into the room, followed by Peggy. She sends Steve a look you can't decipher.

"Stark, with me," Phillips says. You know he means the two of you, so both you and Howard follow after him to another part of the warehouse. The sleek Hydra submarine sits suspended in the middle.

Howard lets out a low whistle, "Damn, what a beauty." He runs his hands along the cold metal. He motions you over with a tilt of his head. "Let's see what's inside," his eyebrows wiggle, and you grin.

You hop into the hatch first, and the controls around you light up when you place a hand on a panel. You look up at Howard, "The tesseract," you whisper, tugging down your coverall top to see the blue glow. It reacts in time with her heartbeat and the circuitry around you.

Howard's eyes are wide, "Maybe stay far away from this thing, y/n. C'mon, get out." Howard helps you down as he gets into the cockpit. "I'll check up here. See what we're working with underneath, ok?" You nod.

"Stark!" Phillips calls after a few minutes have gone by. Howard sticks his head out of the top, and you turn to lean on the sub behind you.

"Yep?" You both answer. Philips sighs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He shakes his head. "What have we got?"

"Well, speaking modestly, I'd say I'm the best mechanical engineer in the country…" he jumps out of the sub, gliding his hand along the chassis. "And I've got no idea what any of this is or how it works." Howard, and you share a look.

"We're nowhere near capable of this technology," you finish.

"Then who is?" Senator Brandt asks.

"Hydra." Brandt just stares blanking at everyone around the room.

"I'm sure you've read our briefings," Phillips says.

"Hydra is the Nazi deep science division," Peggy offers. "It's led by Dr. Erskine's first test subject, Johann Schmidt."

You cross your good arm over the one in the sling and grumble, "Hydra's a cult. They worship Schmidt like he's a God."

And I've met Gods.

Brandt looks at everyone in the room, Phillips to Peggy, to you, then Howard, "What are you going to do about it?"

"I talked to the President this morning," Phillips paces. "As of today, the SSR is being re-tasked. We're taking the fight to Hydra. Pack your bags, Agent. You too, Stark. The four of us fly to London. Tonight."

"Sir? If you're going after Schmidt, I want in," Steve speaks up. A familiar determination to his voice.

Phillips scoffs, "You're an experiment. We're sending you to Alamogordo."

"As what, a lab rat? The serum worked!"

Phillips comes close to Steve, finger poking into his chest, "I asked for and Army. All i got is you. And you're not enough."

"Hey!" You unfold your arms, chest puffing out like you're going to square up and fight Colonel Phillips. Peggy steps forward, pulling a hand on your shoulder to stop your advance. "Talk to him like that again, and you'll regret it. Nothing will stop what I could do to you. Got it?"

You hear Peggy's sharp intake of breath, her fingers flexing on your good shoulder. Howard squawks your name in surprise.

Phillips just raises an eyebrow at you, an amused smile tugging his lips.

Senator Brandt steps forward, pulling Phillips attention and Steve's.

"Are you crazy, Charlie?!" Howard hisses. He enters your space, and Peggy stays near. You're not sure what changed in her, but you don't mind.

"Stop mouthing off to the higher-ups. That's my job," he runs a hand down his face. "They won't get rid of me. They can't afford to. "He tugs at your chin to stop the pout on your lips. You know he's right. "I can't afford to lose you, kid. So, for me… please?"

You heave a sigh, "Yeah, alright, Howie."

**

"Goodbye, Steve," you hug him tight around the waist. You had Howard bring you back to say bye before you fly to London.

He hugs you tight, still not used to the strength he has in his new large body. "I'll miss you, Charlie," he rumbles into your hair. "You're gonna do great things over there, I know it." Steve squeezes a little tighter.

You rest your chin on his chest, looking up at him. Something you've done a dozen times. In your future. It seems more intimate now, though. The look he gives you makes your spine tingle.

"You're meant for so much more. Some day," you give him a small smile. "The world's gonna know who Steve Rogers really is."

There's a honk behind you, "Charlotte Stark, get your happy ass in this car before I tie you to the roof!"

Both you and Steve laugh, letting go of each other. You send him a wave as you back away.

"Ok, Stark, keep your mustache on."

**

You'd really love to take in the sights. London was a hellscape at night during the air raids. You were thankful for the SSR bunker by the fourth night.

Three weeks later, your group moved around Europe, trying to keep up with Hydra, the next things they had planned, but also keeping each other safe. It always seems like you're two steps behind.

Howard needed help - well, as much help as a genius needed - in the lab, working on prototypes for the troops. And maybe some side projects for himself.

"We leave tomorrow, Howie," you announce as you enter his makeshift lab. "You haven't packed anything yet."

Howard doesn't look up from his tinkering, something he and Tony seem to also have in common. "That's why I have assistants, kid," his voice is a little muffled. He smirks, sparing you a quick glance just as you roll your eyes at him.

"Where are we going again?" you ask, laying your top half across the table next to him. "What is all this stuff?" There's scrap metal and half soldered fragments of something you couldn't begin to figure out.

"Half ideas, mostly," he shrugs. "something comes to mind, and I'll work on it, then think of something else and work on that."

You smile, Tony is so much like this Howard. It's a shame the two of them will never meet. Tony has told you enough about his father that when you first met Howard, you expected him to be a cold, heartless millionaire playboy. Not unlike when you first met Tony, you suppose. But Howard is the opposite of that. He's kind and caring, but still, he has his moments. He's not mjolnir worthy. But who was?

Howard's done enough good - for you - to stick by him no matter what. You aren't sure what makes him so bitter and hateful towards Tony in the future, but you wish and pray - to whoever is listening - that he changes. Tony deserves to know this iteration of Howard Stark.

It's a few days later that the new camp you're all at finally settles. The new base of operation is a dank and wet town somewhere in the northeast of Italy.

The majority of the troops were out on patrol when you arrived, the other half scouting farther away because of rumored Hydra activities. The camp was relatively empty when you, Howard, and Peggy arrived.

"Geez, what a dump," Howard mumbles. Peggy gives him a look. He just shrugs. "could use with some living up, I'm just saying."

"It's the middle of a war, Howie," you elbow him.

He hums, a thoughtful look in his eyes as they scan around the barren camp. Then he nods, "I'm going to make a few phone calls." And he's darting off toward the main hub area like a flash.

Peggy shakes her head, "I'm almost afraid to ask," she sends you a smirk, and you laugh.

"Sometimes it's best not to ask, and just go with it."

You and Peggy became fast friends after the bombing incident. She seeks you out more and more, you've noticed. Maybe being the only other female agent here had something to do with it, but you aren't sure. You'll take her friendship over a cold shoulder any day.

Peggy never pressed about your past - ore the future - she figured you'd tell her when you were ready. And maybe today was the right day.

"Meet me in my tent in an hour?" You ask. She nods, a small smile tugging her lips. "I'll make tea," you return the smile.

**

"So, you're just what - stuck here now?" Peggy asks after a long moment. You told her about being from 2018 and how you ended up here. Leaving all your friends' names out of it. Especially Steve, Bucky, and Tony. You're not sure how you could ever explain that to anyone but Howard.

You nod, looking down at your tea mug, the dark liquid reflecting your concentrated eyes back at you. You've stopped questioning why you're here a while ago. Stopped trying. This is your life now. And you've accepted that, content that you'll have friends like Howard and Peggy by your side for the rest of your life.

"But why the name Charlotte? What is your real name anyway?" Peggy asks quietly.

You look up at her, then, smiling softly, "Howard said he'd always loved the name," you shrug one shoulder. "Does he ever need a reason for anything he does?" You both share a laugh. After a beat, you continue, "said if he ever had a daughter, he'd name her Charlotte."

"That's very sweet. But could you imagine? Howard having children?" she laughed. You smiled.

"Y/N," her brows quirk. "My name," you said quietly. "Howard only calls me that when we're alone. I've become so used to hearing Charlie that I hardly answer to my actual name anymore. But, maybe it's for the best," you sight out.

Peggy's hand covers yours. Her smile is kind, her eyes bright and inviting, "For what it's worth; I'm glad you're here. No matter what your name is, or when you are from. You're my friend, Charlotte, and I'm happy to be here with you."

Tears burn behind your eyes as you smile at her, giving her a grateful nod.

**

The following weeks go by fast, colder months falling down slowly around you. A handful of soldiers returning, battered, and worn down. A handful compared to the 200 men there had been before your group had arrived. Thirty, maybe close to fifty now, their haunted faces passed by day after day. Some never leaving the med-tent, because of injury or something else entirely.

You're watching a stage being built, almost finished now, as you sip the instant coffee in your mug. "What did you say this was for again?" You ask Howard. He doesn't answer right away, and you glance at him. There's a smirk on his face as he looks back at you. Then you notice the red, white, and blue decor going up, posters being nailed down on the side. Your eyes go wide, and Howard grins in response.

"You didn't?" You ask in disbelief.

"Just pulled a few strings. Brandt owed me one," he sends you a wink. The smile on your face is hard to smother for the remainder of the day.

Howard said the troop would be here in a few days. The bounce in your step never faltering while you counted down the hours.

You're in the 'lab' with Howard when they arrive, tightening a screw on another prototype you've been working on. You were trying to put together a long-ranged communication piece. Something small and compact like the ones you used to use with the Avengers. You aren't an engineer, but you learned a thing or two from Tony.

The radio plays softly in the background, some quiet song.

You hear Peggy's heels before you see her, "Charlotte - !" she calls. She's a little breathless, but there's a grin on her face when you look up. You toss the junked design away, darting up from the floor and following her out and towards the stage.

It's raining a little. You pull the coat up over your head just as Peggy does the same. Your boots sticking into the mud just a little.

There he stands, awkwardly, in all his red white and very blue spandex glory. Captain America.

You laugh, not mockingly, but a surprised bubble of excitement. God, you've missed him. Maybe even missed seeing him in his old colors.

He gets booed off stage, and the dancing girls come on.

"Come on," Peggy grabs your hand and tugs you along towards the backstage area. You and Peggy come up behind Steve. He's hunched over a book, drawing. Green jacket over his blue spandex costume and broad shoulders.

You get a sense of Déjà vu, suddenly. Like you've been standing here before. You inhale sharply, the memory invading your mind like a tidal wave, and it drags you under so fast that you can't keep afloat.

The sun is warm on your back as you go to your meeting spot. Lunch bag in hand as you shoot off a text to Tony. As you turn the corner, he comes into view then, a green spring jacket over broad shoulders, Steve is hunched over his sketch book like he always is this time of day.

"Hey, Tough Guy," Steve's head turns to see you approaching. You're sure he heard you before he saw you. Super soldier ears and all that. He smirks at you, tucking his sketch book into his jacket as he makes room on the bench for you.

"Brought those burritos you like," you grin as you hand him the brown paper bag.

Steve inhales deep, smiling as he pulls a foiled burrito from the bag and then hands it back to you.

"Where did you get these?" his eyes sparkle, unfolding the foil and taking a large bite. He hums in satisfaction.

You chuckle, peeling back your own and taking a bite, "That hole in the wall place in D.C.," you say around a mouthful of food. "The one that was near your apartment."

He gapes at you. You've been living at the compound for over a year with him and the others. He still can't believe you just - just go wherever you want. In the blink of an eye.

"What?" You laugh, "It's not a big deal, Steve. I do it all the time. Where do you think all your favorite snacks come from?"

"I always assumed Tony," he jokes, shoving your shoulder with his.

"Well, I guess you're half right," you both laugh. You eat in comfortable silence for a while. Steve eyes your unfinished burrito, precariously balanced on your thigh as you type a mile a minute on your phone.

"Just take it," you say absentmindedly, not one stopping your thumbs from flying across the keyboard.

His smile is sheepish as he takes your food. Steve watches as you finish your thought, and put your phone away.

"I knew I should've bought an extra," Steve's on the last bite, about to put it in his mouth when he stops. His eyes are apologetic, and you shake your head, "Nah, finish it," you laugh.

You can feel the sun's rays through the trees, the wind blows and Steve's blonde hair moves with the breeze, the sun peeking through the leaves shine in his bright blue eyes as he looks at you.

There's an ache in your chest at the look he gives you. You just smile in return and, and hope whatever this feeling is doesn't show on your face.

But it's really raining now, and you don't have lunch plans. Not today, nor next week. Not with this Steve. Not for another 70 odd years.

Peggy shrugs off her coat, and rain drops fall from the fabric. "Hello, Steve," she speaks first. Steve does a double take. he sees her, then you. His eyes are wide.

"Hi," his surprise evident. He didn't expect to see her, or you for that matter. "What are you doin' here?" His eyes search your features, then they shift back to Peggy.

"Officially? We aren't," Peggy says. She sits on a chest, and you stand beside her. "That was some performance."

"Yeah, uh, had to improvise a little bit," he pauses, hands rubbing over each other, and he spares you both a quick look. "The audiences I'm used to are, uh, more…twelve." You chuckle.

"America's 'new hope'," you jab. "I like the tights."

Steve shakes his head, "Bond sales take a 10% bump in every state I visit," he says, like a practiced ease. Monotone and flat.

"Is that Senator Brandt I hear?" Peggy smirks.

Over the downpour of rain, you think you hear your name being called. You look back and see an officer trying to flag you down, one arm waving and the other holding a jacket over his head.

"Ms. Stark!" He shouts again. Peggy looks to you, a question in her eyes. You give her a smile.

"I'll let you two catch up," You place a hand on her shoulder. "I'll see you around, Rogers. You can count on that," you give Peggy's shoulder a squeeze before you depart, rushing out into the rain to follow the officer who beckoned you over.

The tent you follow him to is empty, save for one man, "Thank you, Spinner." Phillips spares a glance over his shoulder at you and the man who brought you in. He salutes and leaves.

You wait a beat, watching Phillips as he eyes the map of the surrounding region. String pinned to the map with allied flags and only one black marker with an H on it. It's the only confirmed location of a Hydra base so far.

You've been overseas the better part of 3 months, but still no closer to finding anything else about Hydra or their main base of operations or what they are planning.

"What is it you need me fore, Colonel?" you ask hesitantly. Your head tilts as you eye him more closely. Where was everyone else? Why were you alone in this tent with him? "Where's Howard?"

"This doesn't concern him," he finally says. He turns to face you then, his squinted eyes size you up and down. A shiver runs up your spine, not fear, but of being seen, maybe. Your heart rate kicks up a bit, eyes darting around the closed in space. All you can hear is the rain pelting on the canvas tent and in the puddles outside.

"I need you to go and scout this Hydra base. It's not up for discussion, Stark. It's an order."

You scoff, "I- excuse me?" You laugh out. It's bitter. "I don't technically work for you. What makes you think I can do this? Why not send trained soldiers behind enemy lines to scout for you?"

"I have," he says grimly. "None have returned."

You gulp, "What -" he holds a hand up, stopping your question from forming.

"Back in New York, the day Erskine made your little daisy boy a science experiment, I saw you, Stark." You back away, eyes wide and fearful. Your breaths come fast and shallow, heart beating in your ears.

"Now, I knew there was something off about you since the first time I saw you," he continues. "At first, I thought it was that -" he waves his hand in the air gesturing at you, "Stark charisma. Maybe it was. Who can tell."

Phillips sits at his desk, pulls out a manila envelope from a drawer, and slaps it on the desk. He gestures for you to take it.

It takes a second for your feet to move, shaky fingers reach out to grab the envelope, Phillips pushes it toward you more. You swallow thickly, eyes quickly looking at Phillips as your hand reaches in to pull out a few papers.

There's a photo on top. It's the side of a building, a blurry image of a cloud, maybe, it's dark. Black and white, grainy. You flip to the next photograph. It's you, emerging from that alleyway from the first picture. It's the night you met up with Steve and Bucky to go dancing.

You flip to the next picture. There's a warehouse, the one by the docks. You're standing there with Bucky. His hands are on your face, and you're both smiling. The next is a close-up, but grainy again, this time you see your back enter a cloudy mist. Your portal.

The last picture is you inside your tent. It must've been a few weeks ago. You can see the back of Peggy's head as you show her the scar on your chest. The low lamp light inside is nothing compared to the brightness of the scar on your chest as it lights up even in this black and white photograph.

You can't breathe. There's a drop of water that falls on the photo next to your finger. It smears and spreads. You look up to see Phillips through bleary eyes, fat tears rolling hot down your cheeks.

"W-what - what do you want?" You say through a tightness, strained from holding back a sob.

"I saw you go from one spot to another," he says matter-of-fact. He snaps his finger, "So fast I almost missed it. But I saw."

"What. Do. You. Want," you say with more force, slapping the stack of pictures on his desk, and they scatter, spread out for all to see.

Phillips smirks, "Work for me, be my spy," he leans back and crosses his arms over his chest, "Get to that Hydra base, see what they're up to. Report back."

"What about Howard?" you say quietly. You scrub the tears from your face.

"He'll be fine. The Us Army needs him," he smiles. "But he doesn't need to know about this. Got it, Agent?"

You take a deep, shaky breath in, "No one else knows about these?" You point to the photos. He's still smiling, you can't say no to him, and he knows it. Who knows where he'd put you. Or put a bullet in your head.

"No one but me and the man who took them," he laughs then. Like a joke, only he knows the punch line to.

"Fine," is all you give him. He nods in approval.

"Agent Spinner," Phillips calls out, the flaps of the tent open and in steps the man from earlier. "Agent Stark, meet your new handler." He motions to the man, who holds out his hand for you. He's tall and lean, dirty blond hair sticking to his forehead and blue gray eyes. You look down at his hand, then up at his face.

His smile is tight lipped, there's a small scar through his left eyebrow and another along his cheek. The smile doesn't reach his eyes as you both size each other up. Glasses sit high on the bridge of his nose.

You put your hand in his, and a chill runs through you as his smile widens.

"When do I start?" You bite out, glaring at the man in front of you, then shifting your eyes to Phillips.

"You've got one hour. Spinner will show you the way," he all but dismisses the both of you. He gathers up the photographs and places them back in the envelope, then locks it away in a drawer in his desk.

"And, Agent," Phillips calls as you go to exit. You spare him a look over your shoulder. "Not a word to anyone. Not even that brother of yours. Dismissed."

**

[katyobsesses]

in the right place

@bucktommyweek Prompt: Alternate First Meeting

What if Tommy never left the 118?

word count: 985

AO3 LINK

The laughter around the table never failed to make Tommy smile as he ate.

These moments with the 118 had only just started to become the norm when he had applied for his transfer to Harbor. But, thankfully, that transfer had fallen through at the last minute and Bobby had agreed to keep him on for at least another year as he reapplied. And while becoming a pilot for the LAFD was Tommy’s dream, he was glad for the extra time spent with the 118 and its new dynamic.

The firehouse under Captain Gerrard was very much a thing of the past, now, and Tommy was glad that he was able to see the 118 become what it was today from the inside, rather than the outside looking in. It had become a family.

To which a new member was set to join today.

Everyone was in high spirits as they ate lunch, waiting for the new Probie to turn up.

Tommy spun his spaghetti onto his fork, humming in agreement to whatever Hen had just said as he ate it. He looked up from his plate as he chewed, and spotted a kid bounding his way across the walkway towards them.

He nudged Howie in the side with his elbow.

“Cap,” Howie relayed, his own mouth also still stuffed with pasta. Tommy rolled his eyes at him and Howie shot him a muffled What? before taking another bite with a smirk.

“Uh… Hi!” The kid greeted with a nervous little wave as he came to a stop, “I’m Evan Buckley? New recruit. I was told to report to Captain Nash…”

The table fell silent as the prank they’d planned for this moment got underway.

Bobby tilted his head to the side in believable mock confusion at Evan’s words, before turning to everyone at the table. Tommy had to take another bite of food to stop himself from either speaking up in the kid’s defense, or laughing at his expense.

 “You know a Captain Nash?” Bobby asked Howie, who, dramatically, shook his head, obviously trying not to laugh himself, “You?” Bobby asked Hen, who did a much more convincing head shake her face a mask of confusion.

“You?” Bobby finally asked Tommy. He swallowed his pasta, and his laughter, as he shook his head.

“Nope,” He answered with a shrug, lips threatening to quirk.

“Uh…” Evan started, his eyes widening and his fingers fidgeting with the strap of his bag. “Um…”

Finally Cap let him out of his misery with a smile, pulling the empty seat at his side out from the table.

“Take a seat, Evan,” He said, and finally Tommy could let his laugh free.

It came out louder than he expected, a full body laugh instead of the chuckle he’d been anticipating, but Evan had just looked so incredibly adorable with the dear in headlights look in his blue eyes, with the nervous fidgeting belied by a smile, with the way he jumped at the sound of Tommy’s laughter before laughing along with everyone else. A giant grin spread across Evan’s face, a flush gracing his cheeks and he ducked his head as he sat in the offered seat.

“Thanks,” Evan said before looking around at the plethora of plates on the table, then at everyone sitting around him. His blue eyes met Tommy’s and Tommy felt his heart literally skip a beat in his chest as that grin was turned in his direction.

“This is amazing,” Evan gushed, turning away from Tommy and beginning to load his plate, “Is it always like this?”

“Always,” Hen agreed, sharing a smile with Tommy and Howie. Tommy smiled back at her with a nod, while Howie swallowed his pasta.

“Well,” He added, “When Bobby’s in the Captain’s chair, anyway.”

 Evan smiled, ducking his head again as if trying to hide the look of disbelief that flashed across his face.

“Think I might be in the right place,” He said, mostly to himself, and begun to dig into his plate of spaghetti.

Tommy diverted his eyes from Evan, finally, and spun his spaghetti onto his fork, willing his heart rate to even out. He could feel Hen’s eyes on him from across the table and he risked a glance towards her.

She was looking at him with contemplation in her eyes, the look eerily similar to the one she got when she had just figured out some confusing medical emergency. Tommy raised his eyebrows at her in the universal signal for what? and she looked between himself and Evan before raising her own in return. Tommy felt his cheeks start to heat, as he took another bite of pasta and broke eye contact with Hen.

Fuck.

He’d had a plan. He was going to leave the 118, start anew someplace else, and finally stop lying to everyone around him, the way he had finally stopped lying to himself. He had decided it would be easier to be open with new people who didn’t really know him before; someplace he didn’t have a history.

But then his transfer had fallen through, and he’d had to add an extra year or so onto the timeline he’d set himself.

But maybe this was the Universe’s way of making sure he stuck to that timeline, regardless. This kid’s adorable awkward confidence and Tommy’s apparent inability to mask his reaction to it was going to be the thing to out him. He could feel it in the flush of his cheeks and the beating of his heart, in the smile he couldn’t seem to drop as Evan began his next sentence with Did you know..?

He looked back up from his plate, and over to Evan again, letting his macho mask fall as Evan’s face lit into an excited smile at one of Chimney’s dramatized stories of their saves.

Tommy wondered if, maybe, he was in the right place too.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday

Thank you to @tizniz @theotherbuckley @diazsdimples @bidisasterevankinard for tagging me! And thank you EVERYONE who has tagged me over the past week. I had a weird week with my birthday, a funeral, and seeing a sibling I am no contact with, and just didn't have mental space for Tumblr. But i am BACK.

Here is a snippet of one of two upcoming one-shots I am planning on adding, as little treats to my Anywhere I Want, Just Not Home universe, as a direct sequel to my Grandpa!Bobby fic. I just couldn't stop thinking about Nicolas Robert Buckley-Diaz. So here ya go! This one, with a dose of Maddie.

---

Maddie, who is wiping down the tiled backsplash behind the oven, smiles to herself. She thinks it’s good for both of them, despite the five year age gap, to play and argue together. Nico doesn’t really get this with Christopher, given the age gap, and Nico is Jee’s only cousin. It’s healthy, she thinks. More like she was with Daniel then how she had to be with Evan. She wants that for them both; the most carefree, loving childhood they can have. 

Howie is putting away groceries. He passes by her to slide something into a cupboard, passing to press a big, exaggerated kiss to the back of her skull. 

“What was that for?” Maddie laughs. 

“Oh, nothing,” he grins. “You just always get this warm, beautiful smile on your face when you listen to them, and I love it.”

They’ve been married for eight years now, together for longer, and he still has a way of saying things that make her melt. 

“You’re a charmer,” she accuses him.

“Only for you,” he winks, reaching into a reusable grocery bag and pulling out a block of cheese.

---

No pressure tagging @pantsaretherealheroes @jeeyuns @exhuastedpigeon @aroeddiediaz

@steadfastsaturnsrings @mangacat201 @daughterofscotland @madneywedding

@evanbegins @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @wildlife4life @buckleybabyblues @adarkermiserablecrow

@epicbuddieficrecs @fortheloveofbuddie @watchyourbuck @buddieswhvre @your-catfish-friend

@l0v3t0hat3y0u @lyricfulloflight @kwills91

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

In The Dark (BuckTommy Whump)

In The Dark (14,612 words) by NeverlandPoet Chapters: 9/9 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Tommy Kinard, Vincent Gerrard, Howie "Chimney" Han, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Ravi Panikkar, Maddie Buckley Additional Tags: Whump, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt Tommy Kinard, Internalized Homophobia, Racism, Canon-Typical Violence, Firefighter Evan "Buck" Buckley, Firefighters, set after season 7, Character Study, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Major Character Injury, Fire, Slurs, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Good Sibling Maddie Buckley

Summary: Working under Captain Gerrard again is a shock for the 118, especially as they are supposed to be present at this year's Pride Parade. Tommy is the only bright spot for Buck that day, but when they suddenly receive an assignment, he realizes that Tommy, of all people, is in the middle of it…

Finished! Chapter 1 is under the cut, full fic on AO3. Come say hi if you liked it ❤️

We will burn in the fire We will be branded in flames We will have to rise from the ashes From the fires of our own mistakes

Getting ready for shift, day 2 under Gerrard, who’s counting? You can do this.

Buck watches Ravi roll up the hoses. His fingers are itching to ever so slightly adjust the other’s angle of work, but with his distracted mind, the moment passes. Bobby will get his clearance soon. He will, he must.

“This is my first Pride,” says Ravi, “I mean, the parade. What to expect?”

Buck checks the equipment for the third time, but even the third time, everything is where it should be.

“Well, it's my first time too,” he replies with a shrug.

“Huh, were you off last year?”

“What? Oh, no.��

Buck slams the flap shut with a jerk. Sheepishly scratching his ear, he adds, “I mean, this year I’m... uh, this will be my first time as a... Anyway, Tommy and I have different shifts, we can't go, but there are still a lot of parties in the evening, maybe we can make it to one of those.”

“Keep the details about your fag lover where they belong – your underpants.”

Gerrard steps around the fire engine, smug grin on his face, provocatively running a finger through his moustache.

“Done checking? We can't wait forever for you guys.”

He looks at the two of them challengingly, but actually, Buck feels, Gerrard’s only looking at him. Ravi straightens up, he doesn't know the man, he’s just the current captain to him. Buck can't blame him, Ravi has learned that it pays to prove yourself, that it pays to make an effort. He’s learned that, like all of the 118, under Bobby. But Bobby’s not here.

“H... hold on, you can't say that.”

Even if the words dance on the tip of his tongue, Buck's gaze is firm. Gerrard stares at him, a gaze like a laser beam; but Buck is equipped with an invisible shield, and he returns the look.

“I can't tell you to do your job, Buckley? Really?”

“No,” Buck replies stubbornly, “I mean the other thing. The slur. You can’t say that, Gerrard.”

“Captain Gerrard,” the man corrects him in a deceptively soft voice. “You want to start with political correct language, do it in every respect. Pajeet here will agree with me, won't he?”

Gerrard shots a gaze at Ravi. Ravi's cheek muscles twitch, Buck knows he’s stifling a reply. He never thought about it, but how many times has Ravi heard things like these? How many times did he have to listen to bigoted, white men hurling insults at him? Buck clenches his fists. Anger is rising in him like an inextinguishable fire, and it's not wise, he knows this. He knows it, but there's Gerrard with his stupid grin, head slightly tilted as if to say, yeah, hit me boy, I'm waiting for it.

Hen appears at the truck, “There's plenty of bandages, Captain,” she says, as if she's read Gerrard's mind.

Gerrard wrinkles his nose as if Hen's appearance is some kind of stench that you just can't get rid of. But for now, he drops it. He slaps the fire engine; to Buck, this looks like he's slapping a woman's butt, and somehow, the analogy suits Gerrard. He's old school, as these guys like to say. They’re calling the vehicle baby, they’re joking about the hoses and involuntarily grab their crotches when a hydrant spurts out before the connection is made. None of this is unusual. A bit on the verge of extinction, and Buck can't exactly boast that he's never done anything like this. It's not great, but also not unusual. Gerrard, however… he’s a special sort of player.

They occupy the truck, and Buck just hopes his last glance at the interims captain is ice cold. Gerrard is sitting in front, now he can only pierce him with his eyes from behind. Hen looks kind of worried, so Buck nudges her.

“Hey, it'll be fine.”

“Huh?”

She adjusts her glasses, even though they’re absolutely straight. Following Buck’s gaze to Gerrard, she shakes her head.

“I don't know, just having a feeling,” she says.

Gerrard continues to stare ahead, but his ears are good for an old geezer, Buck thinks, as he interjects, “Feelings have no place in a fire truck.”

Hen ignores him, only giving Buck a warning glance as he frowns, clearly pondering about some fierce retort.

“Because of today’s job?” Ravi interjects.

“Oh, right,” says Buck, “Ravi was asking what to expect from the parade.”

He emphasizes Ravi and parade while carefully watching the back of Gerrard's head. This time, however, the man stays silent, and Hen turns to Ravi.

“It's not that wild,” she replies warmly, “people are generally rather peaceful. Sure, there’s the usual drunks falling into the shards of their own bottles. The odd brawl on the sidelines...”

“One year, a fire-eater accidentally set himself on fire,” Buck interjects, gesturing broadly. “Singed the eyebrows of three people who were standing a little too close.”

“Dumpster fires,” Chimney offers. He was the last to enter the truck, missing their earlier conversation with Gerrard, but he, too, seems kind of tense. They all are, actually. And it’s neither because of the parade nor because they’re missing Eddie, who has called in sick at short notice. Eddie isn't absent because of Gerrard, of course, but Buck wouldn't blame him if that were the reason. He himself had been feeling unwell this morning simply thinking about the captain, and thinking about what he’d done to Tommy. How he made him act. That guilt is still apparent on Tommy’s face, whenever Gerrard manages to creep into their topics.

“Hm,” Ravi replies with a frown, “nothing we couldn't be called in for, should it happen. Still not getting why we're ordered directly at the place, practically like a fire station for the day.”

“It's a madhouse, that's why.” Gerrard, of course.

“Statistics show that the presence of fire departments at the start of major events has a preventative effect,” says Hen, ignoring the captain. “Significant reduction of accidents, actually.”

“27 percent,” Buck throws in, and the other’s astonished looks bore into him. “What?”

“Less fire starters,” Hen nods. “One theory says people are more attentive because the presence of firefighters boosts their sense of community.”

For a moment, a discussion breaks out among Buck, Hen, Ravi and Chimney as everyone seems to have an opinion on this, but Gerrard's sharp voice interrupts them.

“Shut up, chicken coop. We're here for a job, not for your private bullshit.”

His gaze rests on Buck, and he feels his own fingernails clawing into his thigh. Bobby wouldn't want you to do anything rash. It’s his mantra for the rest of the ride.

[atimeofyourlife]

I tried to hold back, but you drew me in

wc: 1787| rated: t| tw: referenced domestic violence, mentioned vomiting| read on AO3

Buck starts at the 118 before Tommy leaves. Tommy tries to keep his distance from Buck, but they eventually become friends and something more. Set pre- s1e1 First in a series of one shots of different times Buck and Tommy could have met.

Tommy wasn't surprised that they were getting a new probie, after all they'd been running a man down since Sal had been transferred out. He told himself he wouldn't get attached, they would only be working with each other for a few months, just until everything for Tommy's transfer to airops was finalized. He knew he wouldn't still be at the 118 to see the end of the probationary year. 

But then he met the kid. Evan Buckley. 25 years old. Legs that went on forever, an ass that didn't quit, sparkling blue eyes, and a smile that lit up the room like sunshine on a rainy day. And that adorable birthmark that Tommy just wanted to kiss.

And sure, there was the cocky facade that so many young men had when they'd made it through the academy. Evan Buckley was hot, and he knew it, showing off and flirting with anything that moved. But under that facade was a heart of gold, a kid who would try to see the best in everyone, who would try to connect with everyone. Tommy was falling, and falling hard.

Tommy tried to push it away, to forget about it, but with every shift, Evan made that harder and harder. With how hot he was when harnessed up to do a rope rescue, or in his turnouts all covered in soot after a fire. With how gentle he was with kids, a unique ability to keep them calm no matter the scene ("I think it's because they know he's one of them." Hen had joked after a call to an injury at a playground, where Evan had efficiently distracted all the other kids from their injured friend.) How he would listen to the little old ladies that became frequent fliers due to falls or issues with their medications. His ability to comfort people, no matter how bad the scene had been.

But he was still determined to keep Evan at arms length. He wasn't being hostile, just cautious. Tommy did everything he had to as Evan's training partner, answering any and all questions he had about the job, wanting to set him up to be a good heavy rescue asset. During downtime at the station, he'd make friendly small talk, and talk to Evan as part of the group, but he kept it superficial. Never opening up for anything deeper.

The call that made him reach out more, extend an olive branch more, was a difficult one for anyone. A DV call where the wife was beaten so badly, she was barely recognizable. Evan managed to hold it together just long enough for the woman to be loaded into the back of the ambulance before he was turning to throw up in the bushes at the edge of the property. He really felt for the kid, because he'd had a similar reaction on his first DV call. Evan was quiet all the way back to the station, and disappeared off alone the moment the engine pulled in. Tommy left him, knowing that sometimes after a hard call being alone was needed.

But then he didn't reappear. He would come out when there was a call, but kept to himself on the way there and at the scene. Only speaking when necessary. Then keeping himself away from everyone else when they were back. When it was nearing the end of the shift, Tommy decided to do something about it. He extracted himself from where he was watching Howie and Hen trying to beat each other at whatever videogame they'd started playing, and went looking for Evan. It didn't take him long, finding him in the locker room, his back to the glass. Tommy pushed the door open quietly, not wanting to startle him.

"It's just. It reminded me of you. Can you please call me back or something, I just need to know that you're okay, that you're safe. I love you." Evan's voice was soft, but thick, as if he'd been crying.

"Evan? Are you okay?" Tommy asked softly as he entered, moving to sit next to Evan on the bench.

"I'm fine." Evan straightened up and wiped his face, putting his phone back into his pocket. "If you're here to make comments about what happened-"

"Any first responder that tries to claim that they have never lost their lunch, or at least been close to it, at a scene, or because of a scene, they're either lying or it's just not been their turn yet. I've been doing this job for over a decade, I've seen it happen to almost everyone I've worked with." Tommy replied.

"Ever happened to you?" Evan asked after a moment.

"More than once. First time was because of a scene a lot like the one we were on today." Tommy admitted. "I always find DV scenes difficult. Some people find them harder than others."

"It made me think-" Evan started, but cut himself off. Tommy wondered if it had anything to do with who he had been trying to call.

"DV calls are so hard for me because they remind me too much of my mom." Tommy said quickly, something he'd only told Howie and his therapist. "She was too scared to leave, she never got out. Is. Is there someone it made you think of?"

"My sister, Maddie." Evan said quietly. "I think her husband hurts her. He's always been a controlling asshole, and I think it's got worse. But I don't have proof. I haven't seen her since I was nineteen, she was supposed to leave Pennsylvania with me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think he stopped her. Did something to her to keep her from leaving. I call her and leave voicemails, and I send postcards to the hospital where she works so she knows where I am and he can't get hold of them. But she stopped responding. I haven't heard from her in over two years. I don't even know if she's-"

Evan cut himself off, but Tommy knew what he was implying. He didn't know if his sister was alive, or if her husband had killed her.

"What about your parents? Surely they would let you know if anything had happened?" Tommy asked.

"I don't really have a relationship with them. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've spoken to them since I left home. And they pretty much abandoned Maddie when she married Doug."

"That's awful, Evan." Tommy said, unsure how else he was supposed to respond. "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Tommy." Evan whispered, managing a small smile.

After that, Tommy found himself actually becoming friends with Evan. It was easy, chatting and joking around on shift, Tommy lookimg forward to when the team would go out for drinks after work. Wanting the opportunity to spend more time with Evan. And he knew he was going to miss Evan endlessly when his transfer came up. He hoped he could stay friends with Evan, and Hen and Howie, but he had seen, and knew from experience how hard it could be to keep in touch. Different shift schedules, and busy personal lives taking up too much time to have anything more than the occasional catch up text. 

For his last shift, he was expecting something. Likely something small, but at least a goodbye, maybe drinks after work. He wasn't expecting the house to be taken offline for the last hour of the shift, with Hen and Howie jumping out the back of the ambulance with balloons and streamers, or getting shoved face first into a cake. He didn't expect the cards and little gifts, the kind and friendly words. The tight hug from Evan as he said how much he would miss working with Tommy.

The evening out for drinks that lasted a lot longer than usual. People drifting out as they needed to get home for their responsibilities, wives, girlfriends, kids. Leaving Tommy and Evan alone together at the end of the night. They headed out at the same time, waiting outside the bar together for their Ubers. Evan kept up a stream of chatter as they waited.

"At first I thought you didn't like me much. Like, you did your job and taught me everything you needed to, and answered all of my questions about it, no matter how weird or repetitive they got. But other than that, you wrre almost cold." Evan said, and Tommy hated that he'd made Evan feel like that.

"I was worried about getting too attached, knowing I'd be leaving after a few months. I've had it too many times before when friends have moved on, we've said we'll keep up, still make time for each other, but life gets in the way. And soon, at the most it's texts at birthdays and Christmas. Maybe a check in if we've been on the same scene. I didn't want that to happen again." Tommy replied, baring himself to Evan. "But you're. You draw people in, Evan. You drew me in."

"I hope that doesn't happen to us. You're so easy to be around, Tommy. I feel like I can be myself around you, that I don't have to hide parts of me." Evan admitted.

Tommy saw his chance, the liquid courage pushing him to do something he never would sober. He tucked his fingers under Evan's chin, pulling him into a kiss. He could feel Evan's surprise, and nearly pulled back, hoping that he hadn't ruined their budding friendship. But after a moment, Evan kissed back. It was a little hesitant, but became more sure. Tommy kept his eyes closed for a moment after he pulled back, wanting to savor the moment. When he opened them, he could see the almost dazed look on his face. It was Tommy's first time seeing the other man speechless.

"Like that?" Tommy said softly. "You make me want to not hide this part of myself any more."

"I. Yeah. It works." Evan stumbled over his words.

"So that was okay?"

"Better than okay." Evan's smile widened, and Tommy wanted to see it everyday for the rest of his life.

"What are you doing Saturday?"

"Uh, Saturday?"

"I was thinking we could do something. You free?" Tommy asked as a car pulled up.

"Yes. I. I am free." Evan replied

"If you text me your addresss, I'll pick you up around eight?"

"Yeah. Eight's great."

"Great. I'll see you Saturday." Tommy climbed into the car, looking back at Evan.

"Yeah. Saturday." Evan replied, a soft smile still on his face as Tommy pulled the car door shut behind him.

[911coded]

Some Sentences Sunday

It’s all I can do not to post chapter 2 of my bucktommy in Pegasus, but I only have through chapter 4 fully written and parts of what will be 5 and 6. If I can’t keep up with the writing, I’ll post full chapters once week with little snippets now and then. This is a piece of what should be chapter 5, which is in Tommy’s point of view. Enjoy!

Tommy lay in his shitty bed at McMurdo trying to figure out where his life went off the rails. A flash of a beaming smile and ocean blue eyes comes to mind and he groans, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, “I answered the phone when Howie called and a beautiful man walked into my life with a handshake and a bashful smile, that’s what happened. Fuck me.”

He rolled over and pulled a flat pillow over his head but shot up at the pounding on the door of his tiny room.

“Kinard! Boss wants you to the office, there’s another VIP coming in and they requested you.”

Tommy opened the door to one of his fellow pilots and leans against the door frame, rubbing a rough hand over the scruff collecting on his face, “Yeah, thanks man. I’ll get suited up and head on over.”

He starts to close the door but the pilot slaps a hand on it and leans in, “Hey, is everything ok? You’re not in any trouble, are you?”

Tommy would have appreciated the sign of friendly intent, but he was sure Peter (Pete?) was just after the latest gossip and Tommy has never made it a habit to give people something to talk about. He shook his head, “Nah, I have no idea what’s going on. The last guy just had me fly around, never said a word.” Tommy shrugged and again pushed at the door and the pilot let up, turning away and making his way down the hallway to tell the next guy what he heard.

[tommykinard6]

Hello everyone and welcome to my notes and analysis on Tommy Kinard in the Season 2 episode of 9-1-1, “Chimney Begins”. My notes that I took while watching the episode will be first, then my analysis. If you want to skip straight to the analysis, it’ll be marked by three 🚨🚨🚨 emojis.

The areas where I see glaring signs of Tommy’s queer ass hiding in a closet? Marked by 🧯.

Let’s get to it!

And if you want to follow along my analysis of Tommy Kinard and his appearances, check out the tag these will be filed under: “Tommy Begins”

***

Tommy is the first one to notice Chimey’s arrival. He seems comfortable and at ease around the other firefighters and teases Eli about forgetting to tip the delivery guy when he sees Chimney.

Next time we see him, it’s after the crew is rolling back from what seems to have been a fire, where he says “you still here?” To Howie. It’s hard to make out what tone he’s using, tbh. Then it’s another time where he comes back from a call and says “what about that burger place?” To which Captain Gerrard says “Tommy, I hate that place”. This might be the first time Tommy’s name is mentioned, in fact I’m pretty sure it is.

THEN THIS GEM.

🧯Gerrard: hey wasn’t your girlfriend supposed to come and cook us dinner?”

Tommy: uh, next Tuesday

Gerrard: promise?

Tommy: uh, uh yes. Yeah I will promise… *stuttering a lot* 🧯

It’s also obviously an all white, all male firehouse. Seriously, it’s whiter than the Arctic in there and has more testosterone than a pharmacy. There’s one possible female firefighter that shows up in the floor collapse scene, but unsure if she’s 118. But I digress.

When Tommy enters the locker room and Chimney tries to start a friendship, he’s skittish. Looking away, not making eye contact, keeping busy. As Chim keeps talking, he’s slowly shaking his head and looking a bit annoyed. But when he turns around to reply to Chim, he doesn’t seem angry. He’s skittish, he’s nervous. He looks like he’s about to bolt. He’s got the look of someone who has too much on his mind, not just someone who’s mad. He says, “if I thought about you at all, honestly, I probably wouldn’t” in response to whether he likes Chim. I’ve got a lot of curiosity about this scene, but let’s move on.

We see Tommy being friendly with other firefighters throughout the episode.

Eli says that the crew is protecting themselves because in the job, friends die. That they “don’t want to name a puppy until they know it’s going to pull through”.

During the drive to the fire, Chimney is breathing heavily through the switching scenes. Tommy looks over at him several times. To me it looks almost like he’s keeping an eye on him.

During Kevin’s funeral, we open up on Eli and Tommy first. Tommy is standing outside of the line, but I’m not sure if that has a particular meaning. It’s very interesting because Tommy is just off to the side or behind Chim in most shots. We also see him glancing over at Chim several times. For someone who doesn’t seem to care much (or doesn’t want to seem that way), he’s certainly empathetic.

At the floor collapse, we see Tommy going in with a saw. We get a shot of O’Connor and Kinard entering the building. This is the last we see of Tommy before the explosion. Gerrard tries raising Tommy on the radio to tell him it’s all clear, but can’t reach him. I find it interesting that O’Connor never noticed Tommy didn’t follow him out, as he wasn’t actively moving so he’d probably been standing there at least a minute. Considering the time it takes for Chim to find Tommy though, he probably only collapsed shortly before the exit. Chimney carries out an unconscious Tommy just before the building explodes and we get a fade to black scene of them working on him.

All we really hear about him in the hospital scene is that he’s resting and according to Eli, “for a guy who huffed gas and got dragged out of a burning building, he looks better than [Chimney]”

Back at the station, Tommy slowly enters the locker room where Chimney is to say, “Love Actually, monster trucks, craft beer”, finally responding to Chimney’s earlier friendship attempt. He’s very earnest in his expression and in his words.

Chimney: “How’s that head of yours?”

Tommy: “Still fat, but clearer.” *slight pause before taking a step forward* “You saved my life. Thank you.” Lou’s delivery of this was amazing, very heartfelt and genuine for a macho character.

Chimney looks down to see Tommy offering him a handshake and he accepts it, then Tommy pulls him into a tight hug. Even after they pull away, their hands are still clasped for a moment, still shaking. Chimney says, “Thanks Tommy” and this man has the goofiest smile on his face.

When Chimney is talking to the new mom Kevin saved, Tommy asks Eli, “Paramedic?” And Eli replies with, “Damn good one”

And there we reach the end of Chimney Begins.

🚨🚨🚨

First of all, let’s do a round of applause for Lou Ferrigno Jr. The man took a minor character and acted his ass off. Thank you for your service.

Tommy goes through a whole arc and it’s not even an episode he’s centric to. I find it interesting. He’s in an all white, probably all male station. He’s comfortable and relaxed in the beginning of the episode. Then things are shaken up a bit by the arrival of Chim, another man but Asian, which changes the dynamic a bit. I think the focus of race is more closely examined in Hen Begins, but I think it’s worth mentioning here too. He was an outlier in more than being a probie. Tommy isn’t necessarily hostile, but he’s not friendly.

Then we have Gerrard, pressing Tommy about his “girlfriend”. Refer back to the 🧯 section. Hmm. Tommy is very elusive, clearly lying through his teeth, and nervous. This scene sorta made me wonder if Gerrard knew, the way he was pressing Tommy about it. I might be reading too much into it, but I wonder.

From there, Tommy is more nervous and skittish. He’s very weird towards Chimney, but honestly I’m not sure it was about Chim. To use an analogy that I just made up, it seemed like he was swatting at a fly that was distracting him from finding the hornet in his room. I just feel like if it was directed towards Chim as a person, he would’ve been more assertive about it. But the man looks ready to bolt. I feel like any ill treatment of Chim was in reaction to what ever is happening up in that brain.

Then Tommy almost dies and Chimney runs in to save him. The scene where they become friends is everything to me. Of course Tommy likes monster trucks and craft beer, but he also loves Love Actually. He pulls Chim in for a tight hug. He looks happier than he has for most of the episode.

This man had a whole arc.

I won’t stand here and say he didn’t act like an ass during a few moments (first locker room scene more notably). But upon examination, I think it was less so than I remembered from first watching the episodes. I also seriously wonder what was happening in the 118 that we didn’t see. Sal wasn’t even in this one, but Gerrard was and he certainly was…something.

I think Tommy has a lot of backstory I’d love to know. At this point in time, we still know very little about him. But my conclusion on Chimney Begins is that Tommy grew and I think in this episode only, he becomes at least a likeable character.

I have so many headcanons, but I tried to stick largely to what canon gave us to work with in this post. Should I do a post on headcanons?

Next up! Hen Begins! That’ll be a separate post and you can find it once it’s up under a shared tag of this: the “Tommy begins” tag.

@min-kit @thegunslingerletmedrop @thewriterscall tagging you guys because you expressed interest!

[icetobes]

911 through a s7 e4

i was very not prepared for this

- SHE GLUED HERSELF 😭😭

- not maddie sending the 118 she’s so funny

- chim ?! oh maddie sent him to get the details for her hmm love it

- the girls flirting with eddie and buck lmao

- “sorry ladies taken and the moment, but he’s not” EDDIE YOU MENACE

- eddies fave after “i don’t date people i meet on calls” IM CRYING LMAO

- chims double take at joey 😭

- what is happening 😭

- chin running off to facetime maddie LMAO

- maddie and josh are my icons i LOVE them

- “come visit me in prison” “do i have to” “i would not”

- BUCK AND TOMMMYYY its that scene….

- “saving someone’s life and then dating them never turns out the way to expect it to” yeah buck knows allllll about that

- not the rain check being going out with eddie

- ew the straight high five

- EVAN ????? don’t call him evan that’s only for eddie and maddie and pre 118 flashbacks

- he’s so awkward i canttttt

- JEALOUSLY JEALOUSYY

- not the heli to vegas 😭

- harry’s baccckk 😭🫶🏻 he surprised athena awwww

- is bobby suspicious ??? what was that look

- ooo restaurant rescue

- RAVVIIIII HES BACCKCKK MY BOY

- “who’s tommy” LMAOOO

- oh that shot is them looking in the sink

- THEIR LOOKS “i guess somebody’s going into the sewer” 🧍🧍 “im going into the sewer” HELLLPP

- bucks jealousssss who would’ve thought

- “i think its great, you can’t have enough friends”

- “when you meet someone you just click” but they didn’t when they first met because buck was being jealous then too oh my god he’s gonna take it to heart isn’t he holy shit

- “i do i really do” you’ve liked him from day ONE

- his face he is so realising he likes him ??? like he has to be ???

- “when do you think you’ll see him again” like he’s dating tommy ??

- KARAOKE TRIVIA THING omg

- WATCH CHRISTOPHER OH

- not him ranting to maddie i cannot

- buck being more jealous because chris likes tommy too …

- “in a very short time” you also did that

- eddie ASKED YOU and you said no so he asked tommy and now you’re jealous… buck come on 😭

- “is it circled with a heart around it” MADDIE MY QUEEN BUDDIE SHIPPER FROM THE BEGINNING

- THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR HARRY ?? oh ???

- the mess- i cannot

- THE WATER HELLP ICON

- “you’re also my mom” oh- ouch

- i’m guessing eddies on the phone to tommy

- and buck… is ?? making noises to get his attention ?? to watch him workout ?? sir… what are you doing

- THE LOOK HE IS FULLY TRYING TO GET HIS ATTENTION LMAO

- THE BALL LMAO not the ball

- “uh huh” HE IGNORED HIM

- HES SAD

- chim to the rescue 🫶🏻

- oh here we go basket ball time…

- I DONT LIKE STRAIGHT EDDIE PUT HIM AWAY THE CHEST BUMP 😭��😭😭

- also “my boy” ?!

- howie and evan 😭 stop

- BASKETBALL BEARD chim my love, i love you

- THE SPINNNN

- eddie is taunting himmm

- is buck even trying

- the high-fives right in front of him

- OH THE PUSH

- YOU BUCKED THAT UP stop the poor man just wants eddie

- harry :(((

- athena my beloved :(( she’s so aaaaa

- “i haven’t talked to him” 🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍

- the scene the scene the scene

- PISSED SEEING HIM AND TOMMY BE GOOD FRIENDS BUCK YOU ARE ON THE FLOOR FOR THIS MAN GET UPPP

- “get his attention” im 😭😭

- “i know how you feel” let this go where i want it to go

- it didn’t but whatever

- “im not a 14 year old girl” tell that to your googly eyes for eddie huh if you could you’d have posters of him around your room girlie

- stop acting like one REAL AND TRUE

- “and i really great mom” ILL CRY 🫶🏻😭

- TOMMY AT BUCK DOOR

- can we talk…

- “i’ve been causing bad blood” no bucks just jealous because he’s in love and doesn’t know it yet

- “no bad blood just bad behaviour” LMAO

- “that kid cannot shut up about you” and buck twirls his hair like he’s not in eddies will he’s so happy about it lmao

- “it wasn’t about you” “that’s usually my problem” he’s so me help

- i can get pretty jealous WE KNOW OMG

- tommy jealous of the 118 :(((

- fake mouth static 😭

- why do they look like they’re gonna kiss

- i wanted to get to know you im-

- the homoerotic vibes of this scene i cannot

- trying to get YOIR ATTENTION WHAT IS HAPPENING

- yeah i guess so ?? WHAT IS HAPPEING

- OH THEY DID KISS

- OH GUCKING THEYDKWOZBSSK

- HOLY SHIT

- IM WINNING

- IM SHAKING

- “like that” IT WORKSS ?? fuck

- “so that was okay” im melting

- that was better that fake mouth static

- 8 saturday date 🫶🏻

- for gods sake please call eddie YES REAL

anyway i’m so happy that buck is having his (to quote heartstopper) full on gay crisis, finally the man’s getting a man !!

[prosperdemeter2]

Teaser Tuesday - family reunion

“I was just telling Natalie,” Margaret said eagerly, tugging Maddie over by her forearm and, because Buck was refusing to let go of her hand, tugging him forward too. His left hip twinged but he shook it out as he walked. Natalie was an old, classic beauty. She was wearing a purple hat that matched her coat and gloves and when she looked at him, she looked like she was seeing a ghost. She reached out with trembling fingers to touch and he shifted, just enough that he was out of her reach, Maddie’s shoulder to his front. It was more than a little pathetic, he noted, that he was such a tall man hiding behind his big sister. “About what you do for work, Maddie.” 

Not about him, Buck thought absently, biting his cheek to keep from saying anything inappropriate. He wasn’t all that hungry anymore. “Oh,” Maddie glanced back at him and switched his hand around so that she could hold it with the one she had managed to pull a mitten onto as she slid on her other one. Margaret watched their tether of contact with a silent gaze but when Buck looked up at her she significantly shook her head. He flushed but turned his cheek closer to Jee-Yun, holding onto Maddie just a bit tighter in response. “Well, Buck got me the job.” 

He wondered if she was doing it on purpose. Their parents and everyone else it seemed would insist on calling him Evan but Maddie was still purposely calling him Buck. It was what she deferred to most of the time when they were home, but he figured that was more because everyone else deferred to it. If anyone in LA had permission to call him by his given name it was Maddie, he had never corrected her when she slipped up and did it but she didn’t really do it all that often anyway. Bobby had called him Evan exactly once and then never again and Hen only did it when she was teasing him. Chim never had, although that was probably because Buck had never called him anything other than Chimney or Chim (Howard or Howie just… felt like it didn’t fit). Eddie called him Evan sometimes, when he needed his attention or when Buck was drifting too much. Because, Evan. It always made him shiver, made something like arousal stir in his gut. When anyone else said it, it felt like a condemnation. “Maddie…” Natalie started and stopped, clearing her throat and blinking until the haze around her blue eyes disappeared. “Maddie told us you’re a firefighter?” 

“Y… yeah.” He shrugged. “I’m… I’m with the 118.” 

“Is that a specification?” 

No, it was just how Buck introduced his job to people. I’m Buck, he would say. I’m a firefighter. I work with the 118. My captain is Bobby Nash, my partner is Eddie Diaz. “It’s his firehouse.” Maddie explained quickly. “They’re distributed around the city with numbers to designate the house and response area.” She squeezed his hand comfortingly. “And the 118 is a fantastic house to work with.” 

Natalie smiled, although it looked tense around the edges. “You work with Maddie’s husband, right?” 

“Uhm…” 

“Howie and I aren’t married, Gran.” Maddie explained with an air of barely concealed annoyance. “Remember?” 

Natalie flushed. “Right, right, right.” She chuckled. “I’m sorry, dear. I must have forgotten.” 

Or had wishful thinking. Buck knew their parents didn’t like that Chim hadn’t proposed the moment they found out Maddie was pregnant. He knew they had lectured her about it for six months before she had snapped and told them why she wasn’t all that into the idea of getting married again so soon after Doug. “How about lunch?” Philip said with a clap of his hands. “There’s that seafood place on the harbor we’ve been meaning to try out, right, Margaret?” 

Buck hated seafood. It was something Maddie had teased him relentlessly about when he was younger - he frequented Boston, one of the best ports for New England seafood and Buck couldn’t stand it. His stomach lurched at the thought but he shrugged when Maddie shot him a concerned glance over her shoulder. “Evan,” Margaret said sharply as Philip herded his parents out of the hotel’s front doors. “Stop holding onto your sister. Honestly,” she clicked her tongue at them. “You’re thirty years old.” 

“Mom.” Maddie cautioned, standing up a bit straighter with a warning in her gaze. “Leave him alone.” 

“You’re coddling him.” 

“We go see the fishies?” Jee-Yun whispered the question in his ear. Well, more like… spoke the question close to his ear in her normal voice. She didn’t quite understand whispering yet. 

Buck sighed. “After lunch, Jee.” He promised. 

“Pen… guin?” 

“We’ll get you and Eddie both a penguin.” 

“You will not steal her a penguin.” Maddie teased, sliding up next to him and dropping his hand to slide her arm through his instead. Margaret huffed but walked just a bit in front of them. His parents never held hands when they walked, Buck remembered. Not like Maddie and Chim did. He wondered if Eddie was a hand-holder. He thought he would be, Eddie was the type of person who liked a tether even if he wasn’t always big on the public displays of affection. “It won’t fit in our luggage.” 

“A baby penguin, Maddie.” He widened his eyes in emphasis. “They’re furry when they’re babies.” 

“A baby!” Jee-Yun punctuated excitedly. 

Maddie laughed at the two of them. “Where would we even keep a penguin? They wouldn’t survive in California.” 

“Penguins don’t just live in the cold, Mads.” Buck told her conversationally. “The macaroni penguin lives in Africa.” 

“Macaroni!” Jee-Yun said with a nod. 

“They have yellow hair.” He teased Jee-Yun’s and she giggled, covering her face with her mittened hands and leaning back far enough that he was scared, for a moment, that he’d drop her. “And they’re as tall as you!” 

“Did Eddie ask you to steal one for him?” Maddie asked, amused and teasing with her glance. 

Buck hunched his shoulders and fought down the childish urge to blush. “They’re his favorite.” He defended lamely.